Jane Opal; The Official Site

The reason I made this blog in the first place...

2012-01-23T23:24:00.003-05:00

...and I just realized now that my nom de plume goes out the window with this post, but I am alright with that. I suppose I will have some remodeling to do on my main page, though.

But back to the topic at hand! The reason that I created this site in the first place was to hopefully someday use it as a base for updating my readers with information about my published work. Until this point, I had nothing major published. However, that has changed as of today! I hinted awhile back that I had a good reason for removing my blog containing the whole of my novel Beast. I can now announce that I have successfully self-published my first novel, and it is available at lulu.com! It is on sale there for $13.50. Any money I make on these books will go towards my missions trip to Nigeria this summer (since I am currently at college and unable to actively participate in a number of the fundraisers going on at my church). After my missions trip, the profits will go towards paying off my college loans. (Fun, fun!)

Check it out! http://www.lulu.com/product/paperback/beast/18844310

Sincerely,
Jessica Shope

Merry Christmas To All!

2011-12-25T20:31:00.002-05:00

...and to all a good night.

My first semester of college is over. As is Christmas.

I have made many new friends, experienced many new things (including an actual Homecoming dance, which I never had in high school), learned much from my professors, made it through my first round of finals, grown closer to my family, and remembered just how much I am truly blessed.

I learned how to waltz this semester -- and foxtrot, salsa, cha-cha, rumba....
I learned that Germans don't really use the term "Tannenbaum" for a Christmas tree. Instead, they use the word "Weihnachtsenbaum" which means, literally, "Christmas tree."
I learned that finals are not all that bad, and that studying is best accomplished when there are breaks for fun and relaxation.
I learned to appreciate my family -- especially my grandparents -- after my grandmother suffered a stroke shortly after Thanksgiving. Since then, she has improved to the point where she can now walk on her own, as well as feed, dress, and wash herself. However, she is still having trouble speaking, and your prayers are greatly appreciated. I also met two great uncles for the first time this Christmas. (No, they don't own a second-hand lion from Africa.)
I've also been blessed with my first automobile this year, a '79 AMC Concord, which is so much more than a car for me. My grandfather put in hundreds of hours of work on it, repairing the body and replacing just about any part in the engine that he possibly could. His efforts even led him to look for part in the junkyard one day for hours in the pouring down rain. He painted the starter purple (my favorite color) and welded two pennies under the hood, one bearing the year that I was born (1992) and the other bearing the year that I graduated high school (2011). Although I didn't ask for anything for Christmas this year, I did know that this one gift was coming, and my family didn't really listen to my request besides...I suppose being the only granddaughter on both sides of the family has its perks.

For the future, I plan to continue blogging EXTREMELY sporadically, so don't bother checking back for, at the least, another month...or two...or three. I may have something big to post by then, but I'm not counting my chickens just yet. If any of you who visited my blog previously have noted that Beast is missing, there is a good reason for it. Hopefully you'll see it again soon.

So from here, have a blessed new year. Remember the Reason for the season.

~Psalm 146~

Heavy

2011-07-10T23:36:00.002-04:00

Has your heart ever been so heavy that your chest physically aches? Have you ever felt a hurt so deep that you can neither cry nor scream nor express it in mere words?

These deepest hurts are the hurts that we feel for others - a loved one experiencing a loss, a friend betrayed but who does not know the full extent of the betrayal, a country in the grips of a natural disaster. And in each of these circumstances...we are powerless to make the hurt go away.

So what do we choose to do in the face of inability? Do we shake our fists at the sky? Do we find someone to blame? Do we become bitter, resentful, and cynical? Often, yes. Because that's the easy way out. The ache won't stop, and the only way to get rid of the pain is to let it harden. This mud clogging our hearts is too messy, too heavy to bear. So we let it harden into sludge, then hard-packed dirt, then eventually into stone.

It takes a powerful, loving, gracious God to turn that heart of stone into a spring of living water - to crush the stone holding it in and clean out the muck and mire. It takes a God like that to forgive where and when we are not able to on our own, to accept a circumstance beyond our "control." Because what in our lives can we possibly control, anyway? Only what we do with what we've been handed.

The question is: Now what do I do with this mud sitting in my chest? Am I going to hang onto it, or am I going to let it go?

God, I can't clean it out on my own. I'm going to need Your help.

Coming to the end of a novel...

2011-07-05T17:03:00.003-04:00

...produces one of the most elating and yet devastating feelings I know. You've come to the end, and yet you feel like you're just beginning.
The Book Thief by Markus Zusak.
Ah-MAY-zing.
But it's over. Ain't that sad? It's the same with each book I read. All right, not EACH one. There have been a few that I've been happy to be done with. But most? No.
It's like saying farewell to the dearest of friends when you've only just met. It's the same feeling I got when I finished writing Beast or at the end of camp last summer or at the end of high school this year. It's an ending, plain and simple. It's a story that's over.

But the good part?

You get to start a new one...if you dare.

Love is an ocean

2011-05-29T20:41:00.001-04:00

They say love is an ocean wide. Well, there she stood at the water’s edge, fully clothed, ankles buried in the mucky sand. Waves chased up the white skin of her calves, wetting the bottoms of her olive Capri pants. Her feet sank deeper into the mire. The impulse to dive in was almost too great. Perhaps the saltwater of the sea could wash her clean of this not-good-enough feeling.

Why is it, she wondered, that guys only ever went after pretty girls? Skinny girls with just enough filler in just the right places that when dressed to kill were impossible to miss. They managed to catch every college-age male eye. Phone numbers fluttered on pieces of paper from one hand to the next. Flings were flung with only eyes – what else was needed?

Just once, she thought, she’d like to be noticed – but for her personality, not her legs. She looked down again at the foam around her knees. The tide was coming in. Should she go? Her friend was sitting a little farther back on the beach, having a telephone conversation with her mother eight hours away. The sun was setting behind her and to the right. Eastern coast, southern beach. A large fragment of shell caressed the top of her right foot as it passed on its way back out to sea.

The waves had a soothing effect, but she knew that only a full soak would be truly cathartic. So did she dare? Back to the beach, or into the waves? The water seduced her, but she resisted. In the moment, the sensation would be wonderful, but after? No.

“Beautiful sunset, isn’t it?” He said, coming to stand beside her.

“Yes. I wish I felt the same.”

“What?”

“I don’t feel very beautiful at the moment,” she confessed sullenly.

He looked about to say something, but He only pursed His lips and paused. The two stood in silence for a time – He with His hands in His pockets, she with her arms crossed over her chest. Then, in one swift movement, He had one hand under her knees and the other around the middle of her back. Ocean sprayed around them as her legs flew into the air.

“What are you doing!” she screamed, at once terrified and irate. She clasped her arms around His neck to keep from falling into the chilly waves.

He asked her soberly, “Do you trust me?”

“What are you going to do?”

“Do you trust me?”

“Sure.”

“Then hold your breath.”

With that, He ran full force forward into the surf. Holding her tight – determined not to let go, even if saving her meant letting Himself drown – they dove into the first wave. The ocean, frigid as ice and smooth as glass, hit them like a bulldozer. For the two seconds that they were under, she struggled for breath, and her eyes burned with saltwater. Those brief moments lasted an eternity, but she felt those strong hands holding her the whole time.

Then, they broke the surface, both gasping for air. They were on their feet, standing on the sandy bottom on the other side of the wave, which was now breaking in clusters of foam on the shore.

“How do you feel now?” He asked, wiping the water from His eyes, mouth, and nose. She shivered violently in the stiff wind.

“Cold and wet.” She grasped her shoulders tightly and looked longingly back to the shore. His arms were about her in an instant, and He pulled her close, sheltering her from the oncoming waves.

“And now?” He asked quietly. She thought, closed her eyes. Despite the tumult of the sea and the violent wind, she felt a gentle calm flow through her.

“Safe, warm.” she murmured. “Beautiful.”

This dive hadn’t been an erotic purging. No, this was real and cleansing love. She felt new again, just like she had the first time He’d taken her through the crashing water and seen her safely to the other side. Now she was fresh and sparkling in the fading, golden rays.

As the two exited the water together, she thought how the sun setting was actually more like the sun rising. A new day, another chance, can come at any moment of the day…and this one was hers.

Six Days

2011-05-09T19:24:00.002-04:00

Foolish.
Fools.
Tom-foolery.
And a pen that doesn't work.
They talk.
Birds squawk.
It mostly sounds the same.
There's an instructor instructing,
but no one's listening.
The sun is shining.
Searing. Blazing.
My skirt tickles.
Itches my ankles.
Pink sidewalk chalk.
Let's go for a walk
and leave this place behind.
Cold hallways.
Cold glances.
Forget second chances.
You've used all of yours.
Cracked earth.
Dried up memories.
Stones
thrown.
Weeds and wilted grass.
Ready to fly away
like a bird on the wing.
How much longer?
Six days.

Just Wait

2011-04-20T13:30:00.000-04:00

You who are still just kids,
just trust us.
Wait to grow up.
I bet you can't even
picture the days ahead.
Your best days are behind you.
Believe that.
You think that exciting things still await you? Don't.
We all hope that
you believe us.
Right when times get tough,
run your hardest
to get away from your problems.
Don't try.
Don't even try!
Your biggest mistake would be this:
believe in the impossible,
and work towards your dreams.
Don’t.
You'll want to give up.
Just do it.
Your plans for the future?
Forget them.
When everyone in the world is against you,
cave in.
Don't
think that the days ahead will be the best yet.
Just wait and see what the future has in store.

__________________________________________________

Just wait and see what the future has in store!
Think that the days ahead will be the best yet.
Don't
cave in
when everyone in the world is against you.
Forget them!
Your plans for the future?
Just do it!
You'll want to give up.
Don't!
And work towards your dreams.
Believe in the impossible.
Your biggest mistake would be this:
don't even try.
Don't try
to get away from your problems.
Run your hardest
right when times get tough.
You believe us.
We all hope that
you think that exciting things still await you. Don't
believe that
your best days are behind you.
Picture the days ahead.
I bet you can't even
wait to grow up.
Just trust us,
you who are still just kids.

2011-02-11T23:16:00.003-05:00

Ok...So we know that Egypt has been total chaos for the past month. Here's the jist of what I keep hearing from a number of middle-aged Christians in my life...

THE END IS NEAR!!!!

Ok, it's not always that dramatic. But as much as people say it, you'd think we were getting ready for Y2K all over again. News flash: God is the only one who knows when "the end" - whether by that you mean the tribulation, the rapture, Armagedon, whatever - is. Why does it seem that our focus is always on...

4 Jesus answered: “Watch out that no one deceives you. 5 For many will come in my name, claiming, ‘I am the Messiah,’ and will deceive many. 6 You will hear of wars and rumors of wars, but see to it that you are not alarmed. Such things must happen, but the end is still to come. 7 Nation will rise against nation, and kingdom against kingdom. There will be famines and earthquakes in various places. 8 All these are the beginning of birth pains. 9 “Then you will be handed over to be persecuted and put to death, and you will be hated by all nations because of me. 10 At that time many will turn away from the faith and will betray and hate each other, 11 and many false prophets will appear and deceive many people. 12 Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, 13 but the one who stands firm to the end will be saved.

...but never on...

14 And this gospel of the kingdom will be preached in the whole world as a testimony to all nations, and then the end will come. (Matthew 24:4-14)

The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. Instead he is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance. (2 Peter 3:9)

And I love how C.S. Lewis puts it. Right out of the lion's mouth: "I call all times soon."

And check out the rest of 2 Peter 3. If you're really looking into the "end times," your focus shouldn't be on the wars or natural desasters. Yes, all of that is going to happen - but God is using it all as a last opportunity to bring people to Him! So instead of sitting around watching the world fall apart on Fox News, why aren't we out there spreading the good news of God's kingdom in love? Why are we prophecying doom and wagging our heads in woe instead of speeding His coming by sharing the gospel with the nations?

Yes, be aware of what's going on. If you're looking around saying, "Hey, wait...there's war and rioting in the Middle East?" you need to get out from under your rock...But at the same time, don't - PLEASE - don't forget where God's heart is in all this. God's bringing on these dark, troubling times so we can shine all the brighter and love all the deeper in the midst of the hate. We're here to bring hope.

Covered

2011-02-05T20:22:00.002-05:00

Why do you feel you have to hide?
Is it shame, or is it pride?
What secrets do you hold inside?
Or is it merely fear

That causes you to shy away
From outstretched arms and hearts that pray
For your shredded spirit every day?
All these secrets you hold dear

Are only spools of jagged wire
Cutting into a heart scorched by fire,
Torched by betrayals and many a liar.
And the only voice you hear

Is the one telling you you're all alone.
You dare not even trust your own.
All of a sudden, your cover's blown.
As you shed a silent tear

A calming hand rests on your shoulder.
A crushing weight like a giant boulder
Lifts, and your heart that once was colder
Begins to throb as Love comes near

And tells you just to let Him in.
You feel the heal as it begins.
Your walls are crumbling, wearing thin.
Just then, as you veer

To catch the stones falling left and right,
He holds your hands so very tight.
"You'll not rebuild these walls tonight."
That's how you got from there to here

Where freedom reigns.
Yesterday's chains
And last night's pains
Are simply nightmares from last year,

And now your heart's open wide.
You are His spotless bride.
There's no past to hide
And no future to fear.

Journey (No, not the band...although they are pretty awesome.)

2011-02-01T17:43:00.004-05:00

I suppose there's something to be said about being content - and anticipating the future at the same time.

There's also something to be said about doing what you can, where you are, while you can. Because as contrary as this may seem to your current position, you won't be where you are forever. The people you meet will not always be there. Some walk through your life without pause; others linger just a bit longer.

I'm currently in the second half of my senior year. As much as I'm anticipating college and what this summer has in store, I want to enjoy where I am right now, because I will never be here again. I want to love the people that I have in my life today, because they may not be here tomorrow.

As sweet as the future may be, no batch of brownies tastes right if it's taken out of the oven too early. More often than not, you just end up with a sticky situation that you never wanted. (Yes, I know this from baking experience, and please don't laugh at my pun...Ok, go ahead. Laugh. It's funny.)

I want God to be glorified in my life. I've been reading through Philippians, and the more that I read, the more I realize that this is what Paul was encouraging the Philippians to do. "Don't live life for yourselves. Don't chase things for your own amusement and fame. Chase God, and give Him all you've got in your life." Stars don't shine for their own sakes; they shine to glorify their Maker.

I have no idea what I'm doing this summer. God hasn't revealed it to me yet. Wherever I end up, though, I'm going to shine. I want each moment of my life to be worth remembering, whether they are moments of struggle or joy. No life - certainly no glorifying life - can be lived without both.

The phrase "Getting there is half the fun" has more truth than a lot of people realize. In a culture that is so freaking fast-paced, we have no clue how to sit back and enjoy the ride. We want what we want now, while the desire is fresh in our hearts. Maybe we're lacking in maturity because maturity takes time, and we aren't willing to take the time we need to mature? It's quicker and easier to stay put as a child.

But spending twice as much time in a cramped van with my family than I did at our actual destination was more fun than anyone can imagine. Don't be so eager for the destination - Funny. I just realized how similar "destination" and "destiny" are. - Don't be so eager to "fulfil your destiny" and reach your ultimate destination that you neglect all it takes to get there. When you look back, you'll remember more of the journey than the arrival. Will it be worth recalling? Or was that time wasted?

Love God.
Live convincingly.
Look for opportunities.

"This little light of mine..."

2010-12-04T13:40:00.003-05:00

God doesn't want the latest eco-friendly lightbulb, one that thinks it's all that because it saves energy and money and is so bright it makes your eyes hurt. He wants a candle - humble, cheering, welcoming, soft, and bright.

Paradise Lost

2010-11-28T13:13:00.002-05:00

I've started reading this epic poem by John Milton, and within the first few pages something occurred to me.

Hell isn't fire an brimstone. Well, yes, it is that - but not just that. Hell is the complete absence of God. No hope, no love, no joy, no peace. That's Hell. No light, no glory, no safety, no arms to catch you. That's Hell. The Lake of Fire? That's not the worst of the torment - it's just what you see. What you feel is lost.

In contrast, Heaven is God's presence.

Now the phrases "Heaven on Earth" and "Hell on Earth" make so much more sense - but we've distorted the meanings so we can use them with our own feeble versions of each extreme. Each person, living or dead, has experienced Hell on Earth - the lack of God's presence in his life. Each person, because of God's grace and mercy, has the opportunity to experience Heaven on Earth - His everlasting closeness through and by His Spirit till we actually see Him face-to-face.

What is Hell on Earth but a lesser Hell? And what is Heaven on Earth but a half-fulfilled promise of home?

Random and Insightful Thought for the Day:

2010-11-22T19:55:00.001-05:00

Misery loves company, but only Joy knows how to really throw a party.

So Far to Go

2010-10-25T22:41:00.000-04:00

So here I am, hours from eightteen, but I still have so far to go. Am I where I want to be? No. I don't think I ever will be. I don't think anyone ever is. That's ok, though. It's how it should be. If we ever stop growing, we're either moving backwards or dead. Still, when I look back on this year, I see how far I've come. My eyes have been opened to God's great world of color, and I've learned what it could be like to be extraordinary.
I've got so far to go, and I'm still learning how to get there.
"Thy word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."
There's no such thing as the straight and narrow. Life is rocky and treacherous with its twists and turns; no one makes it out alive. Yet, for the blessed few, life awaits on the other side.
Tomorrow isn't about taking life to the next level. It's about taking just one more small step.

I have wasted so much time in school.

2010-09-29T17:07:00.002-04:00

I have wasted so much time seeking others' approval.
I have wasted so much time striving for the best grades, the best art, the best reputation as the "perfect" student.
I have wasted so much time doing all of the talking and none of the listening.
I have wasted so much time seeking relationships for my own benefit and for no one else's.
I have wasted so much time dwelling on my own sorrows that I have not seen the pain of those around me.
I have wasted so much time chasing my own pleasures that I did not connect with others enough to fully understand how to best love each person individually.

I have wasted so much time in school,
but that is going to change.

Step

2010-08-11T20:18:00.000-04:00

I see that place there, just over that hill top. There’s light and color and life. The Son’s rays reflect on faces, striking protons and beaming back in glittering hues.
Here, it is grey – in the Shadow Lands, in the Valley of the Shadow of Death, where thieves lie in wait to steal my soul.
I want to step over that hill, but the canyon is wide. I want to walk barefoot in the emerald grass, but there are stones beneath my feet, jagged as thorns. I want to walk in the sun, but I shiver here in the cold.
That hilltop looks far away, but I know it’s only as far
as my
first
step.

Got Your Back

2010-07-29T07:18:00.003-04:00

It's been a long time since I've posted anything. It's been even longer since I've posted anything worth reading. Here's something. Maybe it's nothing. I'll let you decide.

In this life-long spiritual battle, I need to trust my fellow soldiers to have my back. I need to get over this fear that one of them will let a bullet slip through the lines, or worse - there's also that whole concept of friendly fire. I've been guilty of it; I've been a victim of it. I don't enjoy getting shot.

But if I fear getting let down so much that I go off on my own, it's not a possibility....it's a certainty that I'll be shot down.

Time to trust.

You ever had one of those days...

2010-06-15T20:54:00.002-04:00

where you look around and you're not really sure what's going on?
When you feel like time is going so unbearably slowly but everyone else's lives are going the speed of light around you?
When you feel tired but aren't sure why?
When it's 11:11pm - and maybe that's why you're tired - and you're just wondering how it's all going to turn out? But, at the same time, you don't really know what it is that you want to turn out how it may or may not turn out because there's so many uncertainties that you can't keep track of them all?
When you don't know which was is up or down or right or wrong? And you're wondering if you did right but are now unsure if you even did anything at all or of it was all in your head?
When you're simply...waiting for life to begin?

So why don't I start now? What's stopping me? Lack of a game plan? So wing it, chicken!

Sweet dreams an answers in between.

Congrats, gentlemen.

2010-05-05T06:49:00.003-04:00

Fitzwilliam, Westley, Merlin, Erik, and Rochester: congratulations. Each of you, for your own individual merits, has convinced me that no man will ever be good enough and that I will never marry.

Confession time.

2010-04-30T23:24:00.002-04:00

I have an unhealthy addiction to romance, particularly unlikely and hopeless romance.

Faith, Trust, and...

2010-04-19T16:10:00.003-04:00

"Close your eyes!" Daddy says. "I have something for you."

This is the gift I've been waiting for. He told me that I could have it when I was ready, and I've been waiting for years. He's kept it in the closet, locked away. I pictured it in my mind - the eyes, the arms, the lips. No, it's not a doll, Daddy chuckles.

While I wait, I start to worry. What if it's not what I've hoped for? What if it doesn't look like I thought it would, or say or do the things I thought it would?

"I can't give it till you until you close your eyes," Daddy says. "I need you to trust Me. Have faith."

I think I know the kind of love I've been waiting for, but I'm not entirely certain. If I could just have a peek...I'd know for sure...

"Ah, ah. Close your eyes."

I struggle to trust Him, to believe that He has my best interests in mind. I squeeze my eyes shut, only to open them again a few seconds later. Finally, I close them completely, resignedly. I inhale deeply and hold my breath. Time seems to slow. I sleep for a hundred years and don't grow old, but my heart grows older while I wait just a few seconds more. I finally know what it's like to love, because love always trust, always hopes -

I awaken to a slight pressure on my lips. I open my eyes to see my prince leaning over me. Daddy asks, eyes eager like mine were just a few minutes ago, "What do you think?"

Enough to Let Me Go

2010-04-15T15:55:00.003-04:00

Oh, I'm a wandering soul.
I'm still walking the line that leads me home alone.
All I know is I still got mountains to climb on my own.
On my own.

Do you love me enough to let me go?
Do you love me enough to let me go?
To let me follow through, to let me fall for you, my love?
Do you love me enough to let me go?

Switchfoot

...No, I didn't. Not until it was to late, until I'd gone to far. Now I do; now I'm letting you go. I'm a cracked mirror, trying vainly to reflect a perfect image, and I can't fix this mess I've made. So I'm letting it all go, letting it fly to the four corners of the wind. Letting you go, because love does not seek its own.

True love is allowing the other person to make their own choices, even when it hurts you.

Forgive Me

2010-04-14T15:50:00.002-04:00

Is this the end?
Have I lost my friend?
It all came out wrong.
Time wasn't on my side.
Can love and truth abide?
They must.
I trust
I'll find a way in time
To say just what I mean
Without cutting your heart clean
Out of your chest.
And as for the rest,
I'm sorry. Forgive me.
Please.

The Battle is Almost Over

2009-12-28T14:48:00.002-05:00

I don't write lyrics very often, but every once and awhile something gets spit out.

The Battle is Almost Over

VS. 1
My sword looks like a dagger,
And my shield's not made of gold.
And I'm standing here in the middle of the battle just trying to do what I've been told.

VS. 2
And this armor feels so heavy.
My stength is wearing thin.
I turn to look at you, and you remind me with these words again:

CHORUS
Keep your eyes on me;
I won't let you fall.
When you're feeling weak,
I'll give you my all.
And when you don't think
That you can
Stand up proud an tall,
Just remember
That I love you,
And you are not alone.

VS. 3
So stop crying, keep trying.
My strength is enough for you.
Keep going, just one more day. I promise that you'll make it through.

BRIDGE
I know you can't see the light at the end, but it's waiting there for you.

CHORUS
Keep your eyes on me;
I won't let you fall.
When you're feeling weak,
I'll give you my all.
And when you don't think
That you can
Stand up proud an tall,
Just remember
That I love you,
And you are not alone.

BAHAHA

2009-11-03T21:24:00.001-05:00

The aliens played a trick on me.
They've played a switch-er-oo:
they stole my brain
for their own gain
then turned it into glue.

So if you should see me
wandering aimlessly
around the halls tomorrow,
don't be surprised
if before your eyes
I start walking like Jack Sparrow.

Testing, Testing, 1, 2, 3...

2009-10-24T15:38:00.002-04:00

Fail...

What I Hear About You by Jesse Daniels

2009-10-18T19:34:00.001-04:00

I've tried to tune it out
But everyone's talking about you
And I like the sound
Of what I've been hearing
But I need proof

Don't wanna leave it up to my imagination
Everybody's got their own interpretation
Maybe I don't deserve an explanation
I can't tell
Is it real is it true
What I hear about you
That you love me, love me
That's what everybody's saying
Can it be that you see
Something beautiful in me
Well it sounds too good to be true
What I hear about you

I tell myself
They're only just rumors
Don't buy in
Oh but I can't help
Hoping that I'm wrong
In the end

I don't know what to think under these conditions
Never really been here in this position
All I know for sure is there's no dismissing
The way I feel

Is sounding so amazing
Cause I've been waiting
Hoping you would find me
Even though you said it
I still don't get it
How can it be true

"This is what I want to say to you...

2009-10-18T19:23:00.002-04:00

...if I had one chance to tell you something:
You are loved, more than you can ever know.
This is what I want to say to you,
if I had one chance to speak to your heart:
You are loved, more than you can imagine."
~ Rebecca St. James

You'll never know how many nights I've stayed up late, interceding at the throne for you. I know you won't, because even I've lost track. You say you've tried to speak to Him. You won't even use His name in conversation, as if you think He can't here you - or maybe you're afraid that He can. You say you didn't feel anything, that He didn't hear you. I know He hears me. My soul is screaming, weeping for Him to break you. How could God not hear me as I beg for Him to soften your heart and turn your face toward His, though it may take you withing inches of your life? God cares about you; that's more than enough reason for me to.

2009-10-11T15:18:00.002-04:00

How can I be around people, people that I love to death, and still feel so disconnected from them at times? The day will be going great, but then something happens that throws a monkey wrench in the whole day.

Do I just happen to be in the wrong place at the wrong time? Do I butt in, try too hard, and not take the subtle hints other give me to, uh, leave? Sometimes when I try to socialize, I succeed. Other times, I fail. Epically. And I get down about it, even though I shouldn't. "If at first you don't succeed, try, try again." But there are times when I don't feel like trying anymore; I don't feel like making the effort.

I wonder if I read into situations too much. In the grand scheme of things, does it matter why I don't fit in everywhere, why I tend to drift around without ever finding "my people"? Do I simply need to be more flexible? Do I try too hard, or do others not try hard enough to include me when they see me on the outside? And is it a good or bad thing that I'm not the norm? Sometimes, knowing that I'm different is wonderful. Other times, I feel like I'm cursed. I love to go off and do my own thing, but I also want to be a part of...something...with other people. While this isn't a constant battle, I have my days when I really struggle with it. It's hard to believe that these days will pass, that this social problem I have might eventually go away.

1 Corinthians 4:16-18
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. For our light and momentary troubles are achieving for us an eternal glory that far outweighs them all. So we fix our eyes not on what is seen, but on what is unseen. For what is seen is temporary, but what is unseen is eternal.

God, get me to heaven - get me through this awkward time in my life - in one piece.

2009-09-07T19:34:00.002-04:00

Proverbs 3:5-6
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight.

Let me tell you about the mental picture I got the other day when I read these verses:

A king sits on his throne. (This was back in the olden days when we HAD kings who HAD thrones to sit their royal bottoms on.) There's a dilemma in his kingdom. He's rather inexperienced and is in the process of asking his myriad of advisers for advice. The king knows that whatever his decision is, it will affect not only him but also the hundreds of people around him. So his choice had better be a good one. Lives could be at stake here!

There are about two dozen advisers standing before his throne, each trying to get his attention so that they can give him their ideas as to what he should do. Among them is one who is not so loudly trying to get his attention. However, the longer that the king chooses to ignore him, the louder and more persistent he will get. "Sire," he speaks, raising a hand. The king, seeing this particular advisor, acknowledges him. The advisor offers a suggestion, one that is simple and wise. Though the execution may not be easy, the king realises that this adviser's advice is the best he's heard yet, and he agrees to go along with the plan.

The king learns to listen to this advisor more often - in fact, consistently - because, well, he always knows what's best. Eventually, all of the other advisers are put out of their jobs, and the kingdom is all the better for it.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Okay, maybe someone out there is thinking, "What! Can't this king think for himself?"

Well...sure. So can you. You can decide who to listen to. You can decide to listen to yourself, to the people that influence you, to Satan, to God, etc. (Actually, that's about it. Maybe there's no "etc.") God's given you your own measure of common sense - granted. But you can't expect to go through life on your own. I know I can't! Just because I'm "smart" doesn't mean I'm smart enough to know the answer to every problem that comes my way - especially recently.

I'm having trouble communicating with this one friend of mine. I can't read minds; I don't know what problems he may be having in his own life. I can't understand why it's "awkward" for us to talk to each other now. So I have to trust God to work things out. See, I like to get things resolved A.S.A.P., but life doesn't always work that way. Often I rush into problems head-on, and I end up making things worse, tangling myself up in a spider web of misunderstanding, good intentions, wrong actions, and bad timing. This time, I'm going to do my part (my little bit of common sense coming into play), but then I'm going to have to let God handle the rest.

“There are two kinds of people: those who say to God, "Thy will be done," and those to whom God says, "All right, then, have it your way.”
~ C.S. Lewis

Vacation

2009-08-18T10:51:00.002-04:00

Jesus never took a vacation. He didn't take a day off. He worked on Sundays, Sabbath days, and weekdays.

Jesus knew when his last day on earth would be. He knew when - and how - he was going to die. Did that make a difference in his life? People are always asking, "What would you do if you knew you only had x-amount of days left on this rock called earth?" Well, he knew. And he did what he came to do.

Why is it that people have to be prompted into action by termination? Why don't we sober up today, instead of waiting until it's too late? Why does my friend say that she wants to have as much "fun" as she can before she turns eighteen? What if she doesn't have the chance to turn eighteen? Her brother died in a car accident when he was only nine! Didn't she learn from that? He didn't know that his father would fall asleep at the wheel, end up going ninety and crash into a guard rail, killing them both. I'm sorry, it isn't my place to judge. I just don't understand her.

I don't take too many risks. People tell me that I'm too serious, that I need to lighten up, loosen up. Maybe I am, maybe I do. I know that every day counts, and I don't want to waste one.

...And, yet, I do. Or, at least, I feel like I do. Am I wasting my life if I'm not being chased by guards or shot at in a foreign country? If I'm not preaching on a street corner? If I'm not volunteering every minute of every hour that I have at some charity? My life feels so unadventurous. I should be more careful what I wish for...

Maybe it doesn't matter what I'm doing, as long as I'm doing it for the right Person.

1 Corinthians 15:58
Therefore, my dear brothers, stand firm. Let nothing move you. Always give yourselves fully to the work of the Lord, because you know that your labor in the Lord is not in vain.

In the time I've spent with you, friend, have I wasted my time? Have I wasted yours? You can't see my actions; you can only read my words. Have they mattered? Have they made any difference at all? Or am I just speaking to closed ears? It's too bad that I'm too stubborn to stop talking to you, too tenacious to be easily discouraged and readily give up. Luckily for you, I'm intent on not wasting one day.

If today was your last day and tomorrow was too late
Could you say goodbye to yesterday?
Would you live each moment like your last?
Leave old pictures in the past?
Donate every dime you had?

And would you call those friends you never see?
Reminisce old memories?
Would you forgive your enemies?
And would you find that one you're dreaming of?
Swear up and down to God above
That you'd finally fall in love if today was your last day?

~ Nickelback, If Today Was Your Last Day

The summer shutdown. - P.S.

2009-08-09T13:18:00.003-04:00

Can anyone explain to me how after sitting on the beach under an umbrella for three hours, I still managed to get sunburned?! No, by the way, I wasn't wearing sunscreen, and being a strawberry blonde I do have a very fair complexion. But was it the UV rays reflecting off the water? Can anyone give me an explanation?

The summer shutdown.

2009-08-09T12:53:00.002-04:00

This is the time of summer where I begin to ask myself, WHERE DID IT GO??? An even more appropriate question to ask would be, What have I done with it?

I'm realizing it's been awhile since I've posted anything on here, so I'll just do a crash-course recap on what I've been up to. Deep breath, here we go.

The past full week I spent at the beach with my family and my dad's parents. We had a blast, but it's good to be back at home, too. Also, I've had a sinus cold for - get this - the past three weeks, and I'm still going strong. Earlier this summer, for those of you who haven't read about my plans, I spent four straight weeks as a day camp counselor at a local Christian camp. That was probably the best part of my summer. Despite my parents' urging that I find a job and the fact that, even though I applied somewhere, I was not able to get one, God still had big plans for my summer. Four of the girls I had this summer ended up dedicating their lives to Christ for the first time! I still miss all of my kids so much, as well as my fellow counselors and the other people on staff. As we all head our separate ways after camp, I continue to look forward to the ways that God will use us.

That got me thinking this past week. I'm really a nobody. I mean, I have my talents and abilities like everyone else - or maybe not? This isn't me boasting at all, but I'm known as the brain and perfectionist of my class, my youth group, you name it. To a lot of people I seem like a great person, but I'm really not. I make just as many mistake as anyone else. I trip, walk into walls, and let my thoughts spill out at the most embarrassing times. I'm not always the greatest role model to my younger brother and the other younger - and older - people around me. I'm not a supermodel, rock star, politician, or even class officer - this year. I'm just a teenage girl of no account, living out in the middle of relative-nowhere, but God has still chosen to use ME. He can use anyone. I think that's incredible!

My favorite person in the Bible, for that same reason, is Gideon.
Judges 6:14-16
The LORD turned to him and said, "Go in the strength you have and save Israel out of Midian's hand. Am I not sending you?"
"But Lord, " Gideon asked, "how can I save Israel? My clan is the weakest in Manasseh, and I am the least in my family."
The LORD answered, "I will be with you, and you will strike down all the Midianites together."

I once heard someone say, "God can use any vessel except a dirty one." In other words, it doesn't matter if you're a glass, teacup, coffee mug, paper cup, or porcelain vase. God can still use you, with all of your chips, cracks, and rips, after He's cleaned you out on the inside. And He plans on using you for the job that He designed you to handle. You don't put coffee in a vase or ice tea in a coffee mug.

I'm eager to see how God is going to use me this year in my school and my youth group, and I want to be ready for when He calls me to action.

~ Jane

This must be it.

2009-06-27T20:41:00.002-04:00

Is this what it's like, now? To have given myself over completely to God's will, heart and soul?
To know that I'm in the right place, at the right time?
To be at ease with the current circumstances and yet not mind if they would change?
To be so thankful for all of God's blessings?
To not just be happy and content, but to have true joy and peace, the two things that have evaded me for so long?
To have things seem like they aren't too good to be true?
To feel like this is real?
To feel like it isn't just a dream?
To know that no one, ever, can take this away from me unless I allow them to?
Yes, this must be it.

The Battle

2009-06-27T14:44:00.003-04:00

I have a new story up and ready to read! The Battle has been posted in its entirety and is awaiting its readers. Please comment on it and let me know what you think!
Blessings,
Jane Opal

Day Camp Update

2009-06-27T14:41:00.002-04:00

This is just a short note to say that my first week of camp went even better than I expected. Yes, I came home kind of tired each day after giving under-doggies on the swings and walking a few miles through the woods. BUT, it was all worth it. Two of my girls went home after camp and put their trust in Jesus. Praise God! I'm really looking forward to next week. I can't wait to see what all He has in store for this summer!

Pay day!

2009-06-20T07:48:00.002-04:00

It's been raining in my neck of the woods - almost non-stop, in fact, since school let out on June 2nd. I can think of maybe five days that have been sunny, but even that's stretching it.

In other news, I'm volunteering at a local Christian camp this summer! I'll be a day camp counselor for the next four weeks starting Sunday. (They have us sleep over Sunday night so we can prepare for the week, but the rest of the time I'm just there during the day.) Originally, when I applied for the position, I wanted to be full-time, meaning that I would work the whole summer and also get paid to be there. Well, that would have been more than great for me, but, unfortunately, because of the economy right now they were unable to hire me full-time.

Was I depressed to hear that I would only work there for a month and that I couldn't get paid for my time there? Did I grumble? Course not! I love the camp I'm going to! I love being around kids because it gives me the excuse to act a bit like a kid, myself, and who doesn't enjoy that? I get to share God's love with them, and I know I'll be blessed as I bless them. I couldn't care less whether I get paid or not. In a way, my service is my reward. For me, every day I'm there will be like a pay day. I think Paul had the same attitude towards his work. This is what I was reading in my devotionals this morning:

(1 Corinthians 9:7-10)
Who serves as a soldier at his own expense? Who plants a vineyard and does not eat of its grapes? Who tends a flock and does not drink of the milk? Do I say this merely from a human point of view? Doesn't the Law say the same thing? For it is written in the Law of Moses: "Do not muzzle an ox while it is treading out the grain." Is it about oxen that God is concerned? Surely he says this for us, doesn't he? Yes, this was written for us, because when the plowman plows and the thresher threshes, they ought to do so in the hope of sharing in the harvest.

Paul goes on to say that even though he's a preacher, he doesn't expect the church in Corinth to send him any money, even though he has the right to ask for pay for his work among them. After all, isn't that how he's supposed to make his living? By preaching? Nah, he'd rather take on a second job - just so he can promote the gospel even more. His preaching is his pay day.

(same chapter, verses 17-18)
If I preach voluntarily, I have a reward; if not voluntarily, I am simply discharging the trust committed to me. What then is my reward? Just this: that in preaching the gospel I may offer it free of charge, and so not make use of my rights in preaching it.

Don't think that I'm expecting my time at camp to be all rainbows; I think I have an idea of what I'm getting into. No, I'm not trying to be arrogant. Sorry. I did shadow a few day camp counselors during the day last summer, though, and I was a camper there, myself, for the past six years. I realized last year that being a counselor isn't always rewarding. I shadowed one counselor who had six perfect little six- and seven-year-old girls. They were so sweet, always wanted to hold my and their counselor's hand...Then there was another group of six- to ten-year-olds I was with who couldn't get along at all. Half the time, their poor counselor looked like she was about to rip her hair out. I have no idea what sort of group I'm going to be assigned to each week, but I have a feeling that God is going to test my patience more than a little. Cleaning up little cuts and scrapes that don't require the nurse's attention, putting up with kids that don't know how to play nice, making sure that everyone gets along - or, at the least, tolerates each other - keeping them from running off to where I can't keep an eye on them...keeping them semi-dry in the rain...But I know it will be worth it, and I wouldn't miss it for anything.

(again, same chapter, verses 19 and 22b-23)
Though I am free and belong to no man, I make myself a slave to everyone, to win as many as possible...I have become all things to all men so that by all possible means I might save some. I do all this for the sake of the gospel, that I may share in its blessings.

The Philestine Gangsta (a ghetto retelling of the tale of David and Goliath, as found in 1 Samuel 17 in the Bible)

2009-06-03T15:52:00.005-04:00

The Philly gang met up at the quick mart on 3rd street. They were getting ready to bust up Sal's gang from the east side of the city. Sal's gang gathered at pump one, and the Philly gang at pump seven. They stared each other down. Geo, the boss of the Philly gang and cocking it at nine feet, stepped up. His bling dragged on the ground.

"Which of you punks think you can bust me up?" Geo halla'd. "If any of ya'll can beat me up, we'll join Sal's crew. If none uh ya'll think you man enough, we get to bust you up!"

Sal started freaking out. The rest of his homies freaked out, too.

Dave, Jesse's son, thought he could bust up Geo. Dave was just a little kid, and three of his older bros were in Sal's gang. He walked up to Sal and asked him if he could stand up to Geo. Sal agreed.

Dave and Geo approached each other. Geo shouted, "I'ma tear you apart, you midget! I'ma feed you to the pigeons!" Dave picked up a piece of gravel and silently weighed it in his hand. "D'you think I'm some kinda mutt? D'you think you can chase me off with a little rock?"

"You street punks don't know jack! I got someone bigger 'an you on my side, and He's gonna help me kick your butt! You'll be alley cat food by the time I'm through with you!" Dave screamed back. He jumped back a few feet and chucked the piece of gravel at Geo's face. Even while Geo was laughing at Dave, the gravel hit him square between his eyes. They rolled back in his head, and he fell to the pavement, dead. The Philly gang turned and ran, while Sal's gang chased them outta the city. Then Sal's gang took all of the Philly gang's stolen car parts out of their garage and sold them and used the money to buy more bling. Dave became a hero in Sal's gang and ended up becoming the gang leader when Sal kicked the bucket.

THE END

The Story is the Legacy

2009-06-03T15:46:00.002-04:00

A story that isn't long enough,
A pen that soon runs dry -
These are the immaterial things
That make me want to cry.

Sad stories have sad endings;
Not all tales end in glee.
Such was the unpredicted end
Of one fine friend, you see.

A "mystery to every other"
Is a truth too late we find
Describes each last human being
In character and mind.

In each life one can unearth
Bleeding hearts and joyous laughter,
But these things oft' go unheeded
'Til one life passes 'to the after.

What wisdom will this soul have imparted?
What stories will it have told
When at last 'tis proved to be
Pure, fire-refined gold?

Random...Garblings.

2009-06-03T15:37:00.003-04:00

A book never used has not one nick or tear.
Wait! The back cover - I think I see one there.

Phones ringing, no one singing,
vents humming, buses coming
not soon enough.

Two thirds over.
Birds don't hover.
They fly.
Fly to summer!

Preface

2009-06-03T15:34:00.003-04:00

The next couple of posts are proof of just how strange and unpredictable my mind can be. These works were written sometime during the past school year when I was bored for one reason or another. The last is a group project from Bible class, where we had to make up our own ghetto version of David and Goliath. It turned out to be rather...interesting.

Enjoy! Or not...

Striving.

2009-05-14T19:55:00.002-04:00

I'll keep apologizing
until I stop blundering with my words.

I'll keep searching
until I find someone who can answer my impossible questions.

I'll keep watching others
until I've learned what not to do.

I'll keep finding out
how not to live.

I'll keep silent
until I have just the right words to say.

I'll keep watching my heroes fail
until I fail as a hero and know how it feels.

I'll keep striving for perfection
until I get Home.

Roller Coaster Ride

2009-05-11T11:33:00.003-04:00

I'm realizing that it's been quite awhile since I've written much here, and it's been even longer since I've written anything of encouragement. But now that I'm sick with a sinus cold and have the day off, I'm choosing to use my time wisely. This post is also going to include some feedback from other Christians that I've received after sharing my thoughts.

God has been teaching me lately that following Him, heart and soul, is a roller coaster ride - and that doesn't mean that it's only an emotional one, either. In a culture that is so obsessed with keeping things balanced, with maintaining that sense of "normal", riding this roller coaster can be a challenge. When it seems like everyone else around you is coasting through life with their "It's A Small World" soundtrack, the ups and downs have the potential to become overwhelming.

Can you remember your first roller coaster ride? Or, even further back: Can you remember a time when you wanted so bad to ride that coaster, only to find that you weren't tall enough? God only has two requirements to meet in order for a person to get on His ride: "And we know that all things work together for good to those who love God, to those who are the called according to His purpose." (Romans 8:28, NKJV)

If you're feeling that urge to jump on the roller coaster, if there's something that's drawing you toward this ride, you're being called. Do you love God? Good, strap in.

The best part is, once you're on the roller coaster, you're on it for life. You made the choice to get on, and the engineer is going to make sure that you are going to arrive in one piece at the end. "And we know that all things work together for good..."

Life is unpredictable; it will throw you for a loop. Can you trust that seat belt to hold you in? Can you trust the guy that designed the ride and installed every last nut and bolt exactly where it is supposed to be? Absolutely. You can't always see what's around the next bend, but maybe that's for the better. Some of us would wet our pants or vomit before we even got there if we could see just what's in store for us.

So, yes, the ride can be frightening if we let our fears get to us, but we don't have to be afraid. The ride can be exciting. Following God is supposed to be exciting, and it's often unpredictable. The people that you see that are gung-ho roller coaster fanatics are the people that trust the seat belt to hold them in and are set on enjoying every second that they're strapped in. And, also, they're left wanting more.

So what about the people that don't like roller coasters? I only have this to say: the park closes at night, friends, and I'm certain you won't be coming back the next day for more. You have now; you have today. Get on while you still can. "Seek the Lord while he may be found; call on him while he is near." (Isaiah 55:6)

Take a chance. Ride.

Commitments

2009-04-13T21:23:00.002-04:00

Is there anyone out there that keeps a commitment anymore? If you look around, you'll see so many torn marriages and families. Husbands and wives, mothers and daughters, friends, companies, our government, even our churches for crying out loud! We're all falling apart!

Can't keep a promise. Can't keep a job. Can't keep a spouse, a son, a daughter. Can't keep a buck. Can't keep up appearances. Can't keep up a good reputation.

Does anyone even value a promise anymore? Or is it just empty words? Who cares if you don't keep that appointment? If you lie in court while you're under oath? If you say you'll help a friend or lend a hand at church every Wednesday and then you aren't able to for whatever reason? You were busy. They'll understand. Right?

I'd like to be understanding. I'd like to say, "It's ok. Don't sweat it." Because I'm probably guilty of the same thing, just like everyone else. I don't want to be a hypocrite, so I'll just let this issue slide.

But I can't, not when I see the world collapsing around us because of broken promises.

Jesus said this about the end times: "Because of the increase of wickedness, the love of most will grow cold, but he who stands firm to the end will be saved."

Call me a prophet of doom, but I don't think that's too distant in our future. Actually, it sounds like we're already there.

There used to be a time when a person's word meant something. Can someone tell me what happened? Did someone drop the ball? When did we all stop caring?

Maybe it's better to live a life in silence, than to make all of the finest promises in the world and not keep them.

Betrayed

2009-04-07T17:11:00.002-04:00

This thing, the one thing that most people claim as their most valuable asset, has betrayed me once again, laid my heart and mind bare for my peers, my family, my friends, my enemies - if the exist - and for the world to see.

A thought twitters and flits across my mind, and it is instantly put on display on this screen. I've been compromised.

Still, they only see the ripple on the surface of the water. If I am prompted, in any way, to reveal the depths of the tidal wave, I leave all others standing mouth agape in its wake. They don't expect it, can't handle it, can't comprehend it. What I unleash is so unlike me, their version of me, and...it terrifies them, intimidates them.

Is it better to speak and be misunderstood or to keep people forever guessing of one's thoughts, emotions, and intentions?

Keeping a straight face is a challenge and one that I rarely meet. When I conquer this streaming presentation of my inner contemplations, I discover an insurmountable sense of accomplishment and satisfaction. But this does not happen more than twice a month, at the very best.

My glittering - or glowing - eyes, my cocked brows, my curling lips! You have betrayed me again.

And they do not understand why you arrange yourselves the way you do.

Psalm 121

2009-03-17T16:27:00.001-04:00

1 I lift up my eyes to the hills—
where does my help come from?
2 My help comes from the LORD,
the Maker of heaven and earth.
3 He will not let your foot slip—
he who watches over you will not slumber;
4 indeed, he who watches over Israel
will neither slumber nor sleep.
5 The LORD watches over you—
the LORD is your shade at your right hand;
6 the sun will not harm you by day,
nor the moon by night.
7 The LORD will keep you from all harm—
he will watch over your life;
8 the LORD will watch over your coming and going
both now and forevermore.

THANK YOU, GOD!!!!!! (times infinity!!!!)

The things I'd like to forget.

2009-03-07T19:44:00.005-05:00

Just thought I'd put a disclaimer on this post before I really start typing. I'm not trying to be a downer when I write this; it was just a random thought - one of many - that happened to cross my mind today.

Does it ever seem to you that the memories that are strongest in you mind are the bad ones? Or is it just me, pessimistic as I can be? Either way, I'm not saying that I've forgotten all of the good times that I've had, but for some reason the bad times are often the most poignant ones in my mind. Perhaps that is because a person doesn't usually grow during the good times; the bad times shape us into who we are and force us to become stronger and develop character.

Here is another frequently asked question: Why does God even allow bad things to happen to good people in the first place? or Why does He allow bad things to happen at all?

First of all, remember that we live in a fallen world with sin and death. If something bad happens to you, you shouldn't start blaming God. Technically, you should blame Adam. Thanks a lot Adam! Bad things happen in our world today because man has chosen to misuse the free will that God has given him. When it really comes down to it, you and I are as much to blame as Adam is. We were born into a sinful world. We're sinful, and we're going to continue to sin until we die because we're flawed.

Secondly, don't think for even a second that God can't use your mistakes, your problems, and your bad times for His purposes. Remember David and his affair with Bathsheba and the murder of her husband Uriah? HUGE mistake, but God redeems David when he turns back to Him. David goes down in history as an awesome king and "a man after God's own heart". Wow! And remember, just a little more recently, the earthquakes in the Far East? How many people do you think now have a personal relationship with God because of the spots that were opened up for His servants to go into that country to teach and clean up the rubble?

God is present in earth's tragedies; He's present in yours. He's using the bad times in your life to mold you and bring you closer to Him, especially if you're already His child. If you aren't, maybe He's using these rough spots to show you how real His truly is. Either way, don't lose heart. Even your worst moments serve a purpose in the grander scheme of things.

Could someone? Please?

2009-02-28T16:41:00.003-05:00

Could someone please tell me the reason why, if your teen years are supposed to be about finding out who you are and what you're supposed to do in life, I feel like I need to know everything and do big things now?

Could someone please explain to me why it's so hard to wait, not to grow up, but to discover the plans that God has for you?

Could someone please show me how to get past all of the obstacles that keep getting in my way?

Could someone please give me an example of what it's like to trust God completely and not worry about the future?

Could someone please let me borrow some of their faith?

Could someone please tell me what to do?

Could someone...please?

Impossible.

2009-02-28T09:08:00.002-05:00

Human reason and hope are irreconcilable; where one ends, the other begins.

Every Saturday by Seventh Day Slumber

2009-02-27T19:48:00.003-05:00

Saturdays have never been the same
And I still can’t believe you’re gone
So many things I wish that I could say
I guess the hardest part is moving on
Are these memories that have overtaken me
Once again I’m right here on my knees

I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you’re GOD

Saturdays have never been the same
That moment keeps repeating in my mind
The ringing phone
A call that changed my world
An emptiness that words cannot define
All these memories have overtaken me
So once again I fall upon my knees

I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you’re GOD

And as you cried I cried with you
I’ll never leave
I’ll carry you through
Can’t you see that I was always there?
These ashes of pain will fade

I’m barely hanging on
With all these empty feelings
I’m hurting in so many ways
And though I can’t begin to understand the reason
I still believe that you’re GOD

So...I'm not entirely sure what to write in addition to this. I usually have something planned out in my head already; today, I don't.

I guess all that I can say is...Waiting is hard. It's even harder when there's nothing you can do to make the time go faster.

Still, I can take comfort in the fact that even though God sometimes puts me in situations that are awkward...or uncomfortable...or just plain painful...He's never going to do anything to harm me. These irritating circumstances are actually saving me from potential pain further down the road.

"...And though I can’t begin to understand the reason,
I still believe that you’re GOD."

Disappointed?

2009-02-22T12:50:00.002-05:00

Don't be.

I know that I haven't been on blogger pretty much at all as of late. I've been here, actually, but I haven't been making my presence known. Just an FYI: that's how I am in the "real" world, too.

What was I saying? Oh yes, don't be disappointed. A new story is on the way! Currently, it is PAGES from being finished, and God willing I'll begin posting it shortly. Perhaps today? A friend of mine will be reading it first, making sure that I've got some of the characters right. It won't be open to the public right away, but no worries! Keep checking back for future updates. Hope to hear from you all soon!

THE END

2009-02-04T21:34:00.001-05:00

My original purpose for starting my blog, to post my story entitled Beast, has been fulfilled! The entire story is now posted on a seperate blog for the world to read. Enjoy, readers! And let me know what you think. ;]

Sincerely,
Jane Opal

Me? An angel?

2009-01-31T21:38:00.002-05:00

Heh. Sorry. I don't think so.

Ever wish that you had that chance, though? No, not to fly, silly. I mean the chance to be someone else's angel. Even if it's just for a day.

To make a lasting impact.
To make a difference in a life.
To be indispensable.
To be necessary.
To be appreciated.
To be needed.
To be someone's all.

Well, not their all. I firmly believe that God should be your all. So could I be someone else's second-all? All-runner-up?

Isn't that what we all want, though, even if we never admit it to ourselves? We want someone to love us while we're here and to remember us [fondly] when we're gone.

Maybe I'm making more of an impact than I realize. I suppose that I won't realize how many lives I've touched - or could have touched - until I get to Heaven someday. Maybe that's God's way of keeping me humble here on earth.

But Heaven can wait.
I'm just not sure I can.
You see, I want that chance so badly: to be someone else's angel.

Thank you

2009-01-19T11:36:00.002-05:00

Thank you, Lord, for always giving me what I need.

Thank you even more for not giving me everything I want.

And thank you most of all for being able to know the difference and for always giving me what you know is best.

Thank you. :]

It's all about hanging in there...

2009-01-18T15:45:00.002-05:00

So, I have good news and bad news for my Beast readers.

The good news is that I now have all chapters up through Chapter 43 posted!

The bad news is that I have left everyone with a cliff hanger. I know, you all love me now, right? haha.

I have a little blurb on the Beast site now (it appears as a poll with only one option). As soon as you have finished reading Chapter 43, please click on the little dot and "vote"! This is so I can get a rough estimate of how many people have been reading and are caught up on the story before I post more chapters and bring it all to a close.

Thank you, everyone, for being so patient as I get new chapters on the site! Keep reading!

Blessings,
Jane

How [not] to be popular.

2009-01-04T16:36:00.002-05:00

Something interesting crossed my mind this afternoon....Gosh, that isn't unusual AT ALL....Anyway, why do you think Jesus was so unpopular? I could think of two main reasons. Jesus doesn't take all of our problems away, and he doesn't help us deal with our sin.

He helps us deal with our problems, and he takes away our sin.

John 1:29
The next day John saw Jesus coming toward him and said, "Look, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world!"

John 16:33
"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world."

I'm not sure why, but it seems like most people get that concept mixed up - even a lot of Christians do! We get so wrapped up in our own circumstances that we forget what God is capable of and what he's promised to do for us. So do yourself a favor: don't forget!

Happy New Year!

2009-01-04T15:28:00.002-05:00

Alright, I know it's a bit belated, but this is my "New Year Post", so to speak...such as it is....*clears throat awkwardly*

I just want to encourage you all to concentrate on the "New" part of "Happy New Year" and not the "Happy" part. If you've started out this year hoping to have a happier life, chances are, that isn't going to happen. On the other hand, if you're looking to make this a "New" year for yourself in some aspect, you'll be a bit more....successful? I know that isn't the word I wanted to use. Anyways, here are my verses to share with you today:

2 Corinthians 5:17
Therefore, if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has gone, the new has come!

Matthew 16:24-26
Then Jesus said to his disciples, "If anyone would come after me, he must deny himself and take up his cross and follow me. For whoever wants to save his life will lose it, but whoever loses his life for me will find it. What good will it be for a man if he gains the whole world, yet forfeits his soul? Or what can a man give in exchange for his soul?"

Have a blessed and meaningful new year, starting today!

I Know by Seventh Day Slumber

2008-12-30T18:26:00.002-05:00

Wonder what can be so bad
That it makes you want to die
I wonder what could be so tragic
Makes you want to take your life
You have your Savior on the cross
While you sit on the throne
Put yourself up on that cross
Put your Savior on the throne

And I know it's hard to take what's happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there's no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

It's hard to see beyond your pain
When you feel so dead inside
It's hard to see what you've been given
It's hard to find the hope in life

And I know it's hard to take what's happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there's no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

And I say look at Jesus' hands
Those scars are there for you
You know He understands
What you're going through

And I know it's hard to take what's happening
And I know life is tough sometimes
And I know it seems like there's no hope for you
And I know your life is worth more than you can see

Love this song. :]

Psalm 34:18
The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit.

Psalm 147:3-5
He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds. He determines the number of the stars and calls them each by name. Great is our Lord and mighty in power; his understanding has no limit.

Merry Christmas!!!!!

2008-12-25T14:14:00.001-05:00

As a little Christmas gift to all of my devoted readers out there, I have added five new chapters of Beast! Enjoy, everyone! There's more on the way! :]

Merry Christmas!

2008-12-20T09:40:00.002-05:00

Okay, I know it isn't Christmas yet, but it seems like I'm just starting to get in the mood now. So humor me!

I think it's because I've finally been able to check my brain out of school. I realize that many schools are now closed for Christmas and New Year's vacation, but, unfortunately, I still have a day and a half. It shouldn't be too bad, though. Monday won't be too hectic I'm sure, and Tuesday will be filled with class parties! Well, at least half of Tuesday will be...

This year, my family will be staying home for Christmas day. My mom's work schedule got a tad changed around this year, but I will still be able to spend a few days with my grandparents and other family members during New Year's. Something else new this year - my dad is finally going to let us open our presents in our JIM JAMS!! haha. That's pajamas for you who don't speak British. It's been a "family tradition" of sorts, and a lame one in my opinion, that we have all always needed to be dressed and seated in the living room before the unwrapping of the gifts begins. But not this year!

The tree is decorated, the stockings are hung, and Christmas music is playing almost non-stop. Is anyone else sick of hearing Dominic the Donkey on the radio yet???!!!! MAN. I can't stand that song...I'd like to throttle the person that wrote it. Anyways...

I hope that you all have a very merry Christmas if I don't talk to any of you or write again before then, and I pray that you will all remember the reason why we celebrate this holiday! In the words of Tiny Tim, "God bless us, every one!" haha.

Worn out.

2008-12-12T15:38:00.002-05:00

Have you ever felt worn out? Of course that's a rhetorical question, because I know that everyone has at some point or another.

Life can get that way sometimes. It just wears you down, wears you out. You go and go and go just like the Energizer Bunny until your batteries just completely run out. Well, that's how I've been lately.

It's hard for me to remember that God is the one doing the work, and I'm just his tool. I feel like I have to do the work myself. I feel dull, like I've been overused. I'm being worn down, and so I feel...ineffective, un-useful. I've been working so hard, doing everything that I feel I can to make a positive impact in other people's lives, but in reality, I feel as though I'm doing nothing at all.

I know that God needs sharp tools for his work. Not necessarily sharp as in intelligent, but sharp as in prepared for affective use. God doesn't want the perfect people, but he does want people that are willing to be used by him.

I can't do anything sitting on the self, but I can't do anything if I'm not sharp either.

I want to know what my purpose is. I want to know specifically what God has planned for me. And...I think I do know, except the thing that he wants me doing, I have no time for right now.

It's becoming increasingly harder for me to believe that I'm making an impact. It seems like the more tired I get, the less I feel that I'm accomplishing. I just have to trust that God will complete the work he's started through me.

Ecclesiastes 3:14
I know that everything God does will endure forever; nothing can be added to it and nothing taken from it. God does it so that men will revere him.

Bllllaaaaaahhhhhhh....

2008-12-07T16:55:00.002-05:00

I'm having trouble of thinking what to write. I think of tons of stuff during the week, but when I finally have a moment to sit down and write, my mind goes blank. Anyone else on the same boat?

Well, for all of my Christian friends out there on blogger, please remember me in your prayers. I've just been feeling really alone as of late, and I'm not sure why. I think I'm just stressed because I've been focusing the waves instead of the One who made them and controls them. I haven't been sleeping well, either. It seems like almost every night, I have these nightmares where someone or something is after me, and it comes to get me when I'm alone. Then one of my friends will show up, and it goes away.

For whatever reason, I'm just not having a good time of it right now. So please be praying for me.

In other news, our varsity girls basketball team had a tournament this weekend, and we came in first! However, I only got to play about two minutes the whole weekend, which is a downer. I feel like even though I was cheering my heart out, I didn't really get to contribute.

One of these days I'll get on here and say something uplifting again. Like I said, I think of a lot of really good stuff to write when I never have time to. Sorry, everyone! :[

the Meanderings of My Mind before Monday

2008-11-30T15:10:00.003-05:00

My nose is half-clogged, and still I was able to smell the heavy scent of Mom's butterscotch chip cookies this afternoon.

It's the very picture of a gray rainy day, and whether that or my sinus cold is affecting my mood is hard to tell.

Responsibility often comes to late and accountability often comes too early - at least the way I see it.

Man, I hate this biology project.

I didn't get out and run at all over Thanksgiving vacation. As a result, I will be very tired during the middle of running in basketball practice tomorrow. But maybe I won't be the only one.

Oh, May Bee! Come here, May Bee! (Inside Joke)

Being a Christian doesn't mean that your life is going to be perfect. It doesn't mean that you have all of the answers figured out. It doesn't mean that you won't have gray, rainy days. It doesn't mean that people will never annoy you. It doesn't mean that you will know exactly how to deal with every thought, every decision, every desire, or every circumstance.
It does mean a hope for a better tomorrow when today seems lousy. It does mean that that hope never goes away, no matter how bad things get.

Thanksgiving leftovers can last long enough to feed a person on Christmas day.

There is such a thing as "too many mashed potatoes".

Your family can kick you out of the house, trip you so you land in the mud, insult you, and do the worst possible things to you, but at the end of the day, they're still your family. You still love them, and you'd still do just about anything for them. That is, if you aren't completely bitter and hard-hearted. That's a dangerous place to be in.

How does a person live when their heart has grown so cold that they can't even feel it beating, either from hate or sorrow, or even both? Do you go on from day to day, just hoping that things will get better? And when a good day finally does come along for you, do you have hope? What about when times get bad again? Do you have a hope that lasts, or are you just hanging around, not knowing which way to turn because they all seem just as dark as the next? It seems that after one good day out of a hundred bad ones, the next bad one is worse than the others before. You can turn your head the other way and refuse to acknowledge those bad times, but only for so long. What are you doing? What do you think you can do on your own to make your life any better?

Over all, this seems to be a pretty negative post, don't you think? I'm not really trying to be negative. Sorry. I think I'm just procrastinating because I really don't want to work on biology, but I've procrastinated long enough.

Toodles and Noodles.

- Jane

Questions left unanswered.

2008-11-25T20:15:00.003-05:00

The questions that have plagued mankind for centuries - Are we alone in this big universe? Is there other life out there? Where did we come from anyway? Why is there death and pain? What happens after death? Is it just the end? What is my purpose here? Are we all just here by accident? Why is it that we have to say goodbye to those we love?

Maybe the reason we ask these questions is because we once knew the answers. Before man fell, how much did we know? Before the fall there was no such thing as "death" or "pain" or "guilt" or "sadness" or "evil" or...

Now, the only place we can really look for the answers is the one infallible source of truth, God's own word. Just one book, disjointedly written over a period of fifteen hundred years by forty men from all different walks of life. They were cup bearers. They were kings. They were shepherds and doctors and preachers and prophets and fishermen. Some lived during times of war, others during times of peace. But each of their messages to the world are screaming the same word: Jesus.

Not a flaw, not a word out of place. Just one message: God is love.

Have questions? There are answers. Maybe they won't be the answers you expect to hear, but it's the truth, plain and simple.

And maybe not so simple after all.

But one day I'll know, just as I am known, when I see my Jesus face to face.

Guess I'm it...

2008-11-16T18:05:00.002-05:00

Been tagged by DragonRaid.

So anyways, the rules are:

1. Each player starts with eight random fact/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
3. At the end of your blog post, you need to tag eight people and list their names.
4. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’ve been tagged and to read your blog.

8 things about me:
1. I am a Christian, and I love my Jesus!!
2. I read waaaayyy too much, but maybe not as much as I used to when I was younger because I had more free time then.
3. I can wiggle my ears.
4. I hate spanish (the language, the class - and I don't care for the teacher, either).
5. I want to be an English teacher one day.
6. I'm anti-social - well, sort of. I do what I want to do, and if others feel like joining me, that's fine. If other people don't ask me to join in with what they're doing, I just assume that they don't want me to join. And I know that isn't always true...but I guess that's just become my mentality. :/
7. I probably read too many romance novels and watch too many chick flicks. :[
8. And I am still waiting for my Prince Charming, Wesley, Mr. Darcy, James Sterling, Will Turner, and/or Phantom/Raoul. I'm not sure which of the last two I'd prefer as of right now, and I don't think I'll ever be sure if Christine made the right choice or not.

And, sorry. I'm not tagging anyone. lol. I find these things really annoying, and I don't plan on annoying anyone else who might be annoyed by them. I'm sorry, you find that annoying? ANNE-OI-ED!!! Er...sure. lol.

END.

One of my favorite songs.

2008-11-14T10:14:00.002-05:00

Anyone out there have a favorite song, or a song that you absolutely love, but you hardly ever hear it? Then, you hear it on the radio, and you just remember...Maybe you've been able to connect to the lyrics at some point in time, or the song just takes you back to a memory, whether good or bad.

Anyway, this is one of my favorite songs. Just heard it on the radio this morning. It's called The Beauty of Grace by Krystal Meyers.

Tell me why do you run?
You say you’re so ashamed,
Bruised and broken.
(You) Thought if I figured out
The mess you’ve made,
That I’d leave?

But anywhere you are, it’s never too far away.
There’s freedom from your scars.
The mistakes that you’ve made? Forgiven.
The memories erased.
Baby, that’s the BEAUTY OF GRACE!
La de da, la de da da,

Tell Me, what is love?
I’ll never hold you to
The things you may have done.
You say you want new life
In My arms, there’s mercy!

But anywhere you are, it’s never too far away.
There’s freedom from your scars.
The mistakes that you’ve made? Forgiven.
The memories erased.
Maybe that’s the BEAUTY OF GRACE!
(la de...) La de da, la de da da,

So blow a kiss goodbye
To all the pain you hide!

Anywhere you are, never too far away.
There’s freedom from your scars.
The memories erased.
Baby, that’s the BEAUTY OF GRACE!

Anywhere you are, is never too far away.
There’s freedom from your scars.
The mistakes that you’ve made? Forgiven.

The memories erased.
Baby, that’s the BEAUTY OF GRACE!
La de da, la de da da
Yeah!
La de da, la de da da

That’s the BEAUTY OF, (la de da, la de da da)
That’s the BEAUTY OF GRACE!

La de da, la de da da(10x)

There are two things that I can think of...

2008-11-12T15:00:00.003-05:00

...that are guarantee, sure-fire ways to cheer you up.

1) Serve someone else.

There are a lot of ways you can do this, but just performing some type of work helps you get rid of any bad potential energy. I don't mean that in a psychic-or-whatever way...I just mean that it isn't good to keep everything bottled up inside. Sometimes you just want to punch something, and sometimes you actually do. Er, not good. Right?

So one of the best things to do when you're feeling angry or upset is to help someone else. It gets rid of all of that pent up energy, and it also takes you focus off your problems for awhile until you've cooled down and you can deal with them with a level head.

2) Count your blessings.

Little ones, big ones. It doesn't even matter. Something about feeling thankful and then thanking God for all He's done for you and all He's given you just lifts your heart.

I was feeling down today. My act of service? Obeying my dad and getting some exercise by walking/running outside on my day of from school. Actually, that was part of the original problem. Confusing to you? Probably.

Anyways, walking/running to the local park helped. Then I sat around on the swings for awhile and sort of let myself daydream. I thought back to when I was a little kid playing make-believe with a friend.

I'm thankful for some of those people in my life, the ones that were around when I was small. Sometimes I wish I could go back...

Another thing I'm thankful for it whoopie pies. Don't even ask why that came to my mind while I was thinking up a list of things to be thankful for. lol. Maybe it's the natural female attraction to chocolate. I dunno. But I thank God for whoopie pies!

Darn...Wish we had some around the house. Well, my mom needs to go shopping anyways. Maybe I'll sneak them onto her grocery list.

Is God incapable of writing fiction?

2008-11-09T16:34:00.003-05:00

Hm. Now that's an interesting question and one I was asking myself this morning during my time with God this morning.

First off, John 17:17 says, "...Your word is truth." In other places in the Bible, we find that God is incapable of lying. Is fiction lying? Well, it certainly isn't always truth. Sometimes it's only half-truth. But if a half-truth is a whole lie, what does that make fiction?

And, if God thinks fiction is sinful, why have so many Christian fictional writers been succesful? C.S. Lewis, Frank Peretti, and Ted Dekker are just a few of my personal favorites.

If you didn't know by now, I write fiction, too. So, naturally, this concerned me a little.

As I'm pondering all of this, it suddenly hits me: Jesus told fictional stories! We call them parables. But who's to say the prodigal son or the lady with the lost coin were real people? Perhaps they were, but Jesus wasn't exactly relaying someone's biography when he told people these stories. When you think about it, Jesus was the ultimate story-teller.

Maybe it's motivation that's the key thing. Jesus told fictional stories to teach people lessons. That's not so different from some fairy tales we've been told since we were kids. Many of them have some sort of moral behind them, don't they? After all, how many times have you heard, "And the moral of the story is..."

Anyway, I hope that most of you by the time you are done reading Beast will realize the lesson behind it. No, it isn't the corny "True Love Conquers All". It's...well, I'll let you finish reading it and find out for yourselves.

Ok. It's discussion time! Yea! I love hearing from people. It makes me happy. So make me happy, people. What motivates you to write, specifically, fiction?

Wow.

2008-11-08T19:44:00.002-05:00

Haven't been here in awhile. I don't plan on giving any excuses why, because they've all been used before. So I'm just going to fill you all in.

Since I was last on here posting on my main blog, I have celebrated a birthday with a surprise party, put up more chapters of Beast, gone to a Hawk Nelson concert (Ahhhh!!!! Jason Dunn!!!!), finished my two month babysitting job, not participated in Halloween (simply because I had no plans), gone shopping, done school stuff, started basketball, been to play practice...

Whew. Am I forgetting anything? I don't know. lol. That's a lot right there already.

There's been so much that I've wanted to post on here to encourage my readers, but I simply haven't made the time. It's not a matter of finding time; it's a matter of making time. Of course you want to do a million things while you have something else going on, but when you actually have five minutes to do the things you really want to, you just want to sit down and fall asleep, right? I think pretty much everyone can vouch for that.

Basketball should be good this year. We have quite a few freshmen - five, I believe. Two sophomores, one junior, and two seniors. Well, that's what I get for attending a small private school! lol. But I wouldn't trade it for anything in the world. I love most of my teachers, and I tolerate the rest. haha! The homework can be overwhelming, but not impossible.

Art class is the best right now. We raided the drama closet at the beginning of the year and dressed up in kooky outfits. Then we all had our pictures taken, which we traced on tracing paper and then transfered to a large piece of paper. Now, we're working on coloring them in with oil pastels. We're trying just to get the basics of each self-portrait, modeling our own works after those of Madiglioni.

...Anywho, I can't think of anything else to really say at the moment. Maybe I'll think of something else later. lol. Till then,

- Jane

Today was...

2008-10-25T16:46:00.002-04:00

...so much fun! I got to spend the day with my best friend shopping. We went to the mall, then to lunch at Olive Garden, then to Barnes and Noble. It was quite the day. =]

Yesterday, she came home with me after school, and we went to my youth group's harvest party later that night. The festivities kicked off with all of us gathering at the local flea market, then splitting up into smaller groups and attempting to find to find our youth leaders, who were dressed up in kooky outfits. It was my first person hunt, and I loved it! I'm really hoping that we do it again next year. After that, we went to a barn and did a couple of games there. At the end of the night, we had a short Bible lesson. Our youth pastor talked to us about how our person hunt related to the Great Commission. You have to go to a place, look for people, then talk to them. Pretty straight forward. ;] haha. The night ended with a pinata and a mad scramble for the sweet treats.

And my birthday is tomorrow! Should be fun. =]

Well, right now I'm watching Corpse Bride on ABC. One of my faves! So I'm gonna go.

For all of you waiting for more chapters of Beast - I'm sorry it's taking so long! I promise that I'll get around to adding more soon. Thanks for being so patient!

Till next time,
Jane

Just one more!

2008-10-19T16:02:00.002-04:00

Just one more week until my birthday! I s'pose I'm starting to get excited now. :]

My original plans consisted of going shopping with my best friend on Saturday. Then we thought that we might have to cancel. We are, however, back on schedule, and she will be sleeping over Friday night as well. We'll be watching Phantom of the Opera, probably some Doctor Who episodes, and of course Princess Bride is a MUST!

"AAAAAAAAS YOUUUUUUU WIIIIIIIIISH!!!"

Hahaha! It's the best movie of ALL time! If you haven't seen the Princess Bride yet, watch it!If you have seen it and you don't absolutely love it, you simply don't have your head screwed on straight.

Honestly, I wouldn't care if my bestie and I went shopping or not. I'm getting to spend time with her and make a few memories, and that's what I'll love the most.

The one thing that I really wanted for my birthday I've already received: a beautiful, colorful fall. My dad kept on saying, "The leaves are just going to turn brown and drop this year."

WRONG!

When I heard him say that, I prayed, "Dear God, the one thing that I want for my birthday, even if I get nothing else, is a pretty fall!"

The leaves have been in full color for a week now, and I only realized yesterday that my prayer had been answered. Guess that shows just how often I take Him for granted!

Ecclesiastes 3:11
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the hearts of men; yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

If I may take a moment...

2008-10-14T18:51:00.002-04:00

(And thanks to our freedom of speech in this country, I MAY)
...I'd like to share my life verse with everyone who spends their spare minutes reading my blog. For those of you unfamiliar with the term "life verse", that basically refers to the Bible verse, or verses in this case, that have really stood out to me more than any other in God's Word. I've claimed these verses as my own, to model my life after and to let affect who I become as a person.

Without further ado - my life verse.

Romans 12:1-2
Therefore, I urge you brothers, in view of God's mercy to offer your bodies as living sacrifices, holy and pleasing to God - this is your spiritual act of worship. Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed my the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God's will is - his good, pleasing, and perfect will.

I'd like to focus on the phrase "Do not conform any longer to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."

I make it a point to be original. God has transformed my life by first changing my heart and then my mind. So the last thing I want to do is go trashing it up with all sorts of things that God isn't pleased with. More than anything else, though, I try not to be obsessed with my outward appearance. It's more important to me to know that people see me as a beautiful person because of how I act, not because of how I look. I know so many girls that are considered pretty or hot or sexy, but they really don't have anything to offer the world when it comes to character and integrity.

Can I let you in on something else? I don't wear make up(not that I have anything against it), and I don't shop at Hollister or Abercrombie and Fitch. To be completely honest, their advertisements in front of their stores literally SCARE me away. Whenever I'm in the mall, those are the two stores that I pass as quickly as possible. Why? Because there are half-naked manikins placed right outside the door! And I noticed this the other day while watching TV - Isn't it sad how a company can't even sell laundry detergent anymore without a sensual add?

I'll just leave everyone to think about that. But for now, I'd like to close with a poem I wrote last night. *Ahem*

Against the Flow

Whatever happened to
moving against the flow?
The current's too strong.
The water's too cold.

The stream is too deep.
The river's too wide.
Where do you stand?
Why not pick a side?

You all preach diversity,
you who swim with the rest.
Why not start a change?
Put your faith to the test.

Dare to be different.
Boldly go!
And dare to move
against the flow.

I don't even know how to word my thoughts right now...

2008-10-09T16:50:00.003-04:00

...So get ready for another one of my crazy rambling sessions.

Why is it the when I have a good idea or decent advice, people don't listen? Why is it that when I want to tell someone something, either they simply refuse to listen....or they just aren't around to listen? Why is it that certain people take me for granted and only talk to me or ask me for help when they think that they will benefit? Why do I let myself be taken advantage of?

Why haven't I completely blown up in everyone's face and started cursing everyone out yet? Well, I do know the answer to that question: I'd be living with a whole lot of regret and guilt. God's holding me back - barely, it seems at times - but still He is. He's keeping me in check. He's keeping me from screwing up. It's only by His grace that I haven't killed anyone by now. (I say that loosely, and yet not so loosely because words can kill.)

I actually asked two of my classmates about that today. I was getting really frustrated with a certain group of people in my class, and I asked these two, "Could you ever see me just getting really ticked off and then cursing someone out?" They both kind of laughed and said yes.
Then my one friend added, "But then you would be really guilty afterwards and feel really bad about it."

And she was completely right. Usually, I'm this passive-aggressive type of person. I let things slide, but I'll still be steaming for awhile. It usually goes away if I don't focus on the problem or after I've worked the situation through in my head, and I can get over it. Other times, I can reach my limit and really blow up. I've been getting better at being patient over the past few years, but I'll never be where I want to be in that department.

I asked another friend at lunch today, "Why does no one ever listen to me?"
He replied, "I think it's a red head thing. After all, look at me. No one ever listens to me, either."

Soo...I guess maybe now I can blame two things on my hair.
1) The urge to just blow up at people and totally lose my cool.
2) Not having anyone listen to me.

Maybe I should get my hair dyed?
Nah.

P.S. - Seventeen days until my birthday!!

Twenty days until my brithday!

2008-10-06T20:36:00.002-04:00

I s'pose you could say that I'm getting a little more excited now. I won't be having a huge blow-out, but a friend of mine are planning on going shopping for the day. We'll see how things turn out!

Homework has been keeping me busy, along with another project I have going on right now. I have a class car wash on Saturday, and...uhhh...Yeah. On the 20th my class is going to see Shakespeare's Much Ado About Nothing. I guess it's a comedy? I dunno. haha!

I love this time of year. The sun is still warm, and yet the are is cool. It's perfect! Plus, the leaves are so beautiful - reds and golds and browns. It's a pity that fall is so short, and school makes it seem even shorter. *sighhh*

I guess God made fall short so that we would learn to appreciate it. Thanks God! =]

Only Human.

2008-10-01T21:14:00.002-04:00

People you love, people that truly love you - they'll let you down. It's sad. It's sick. It hurts. Does that mean we should give up on them?

No.

Because, you see, we're all sick, pathetic. Except for God's amazing grace, that's all we'd ever be. After all, how many times have I let God, others, and myself down? I'm no better than anyone else, especially those I criticize. God doesn't love me more, or less, than anyone else.

Humans aren't perfect. Christians aren't perfect, either. So why should we expect each other to be? I'll have the privilege of asking God one day when I see Him face to face. For now, I guess I just have to accept it.

At the end of the day, God is waiting with His arms open wide, no matter what we've done or what we're going through.

...I wish that I had God's forgiveness and understanding...but I'm human, just like you.

I'm sorry.<3

We Need Each Other by Sanctus Real

I think I caught a glimpse of
Life without friends
Bitter, empty, hollow, dark and lonely
We never meant to hurt each other
So Can’t we trust again
And take it as a chance
To keep on growing

I don’t know why it doesn’t come easy
But I know that we could be happy
If we’d only learn to love

Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz no one’s meant to live alone

Life revolves around the need
Of having someone
Causing every complicated feeling
Oh and I don’t want to loose you
And there is nothing wrong with
Telling me what you need
To keep our love strong

It’s just a part of being a family
Taking the good with the bad and the ugly
If we could only learn to love

Oh oh we need each other
So what’s the fighting for
Oh oh we need each other
Please don’t close the door
Oh oh we need each other
Through all the highs and lows
Oh oh we need each other
Cuz I don’t want to be alone

Oh Oh we need each other
Fathers and Mothers
Oh oh we need each other
All your sisters and brothers
Oh oh we need each other
We need friends and lovers
Oh Oh we need each other

Well I need you
You need me
Cuz that’s the way
It’s meant to be
I need you
We need each other
(I don’t want to be alone)
(x2)

Just when it seems...

2008-09-29T20:33:00.002-04:00

...that I can't hold on any longer,
that Voice in my head whispers,
"Do...not...give...up."

And so,
I don't.

And I may not find out
until I'm two miles down the road
that it was worth the extra mile.

But that's why I have to go.
That's why I have to keep going.
That's why I can't stop.

Because I'm not there yet,
and I don't know now.

But I will.
One day, I will.

And then,
in that moment...
...It will all be worth it.

Soggy, sniffling, swinging.

2008-09-27T09:27:00.002-04:00

Twenty-nine days until my birthday!! Guess I should be excited, since it's a milestone and all...But I'm not that excited.

In other news, it's a dreary, soggy, spongy day and looks like it's also going to be a dreary, soggy, spongy weekend.

In other other news, I think I'm getting a cold. Congested, weary, the works.

In other other other news, besides being physically drained, I'm emotionally drained. I'm not going to go into detail. Let me just say that I don't even know what I'm feeling, and I wouldn't know how to explain it if I did. Another note: This is rare for me. Usually I can figure things out...But right now, I'm just sort of hanging in there, like I'm on a rope dangling over the middle of a creek and I don't know which way to swing.

That's it for now. I'm not in a typing mood today. I think I need more sleep.

I'm also going to my friend's birthday party tonight. Looking forward to it, but there's still a lot of other junk on my mind.

Sorry about that last post.

2008-09-18T21:12:00.002-04:00

Thing is with me - I can a little crazy sometimes, especially when I haven't had enough sleep. Other times when I'm sleep-deprived (like now for example) I'm just...plain tired. No craziness, just a pair of eyes that won't stay open. And then my contacts get dry and sticky...Ugh. I'd love to take 'em out, but I'm babysitting next door and the 'rents won't be home for another 45 minutes yet. ('Skay, they let me use their computer!) =]

Anywho, I had sooo much homework tonight! No respite from the teachers, but I can handle it as long as I lean on God for His strength. Otherwise, I'd be head-long over my books right now sawing logs.

I have a science quiz tomorrow on the periodic table; we need to have twenty-or-something of the elements memorized, including their abbreviations and placement on the table. I also have a vocab quiz, and I need to memorize Joshua 1:5-6 by seventh period tomorrow. Most likely, I'll be memorizing it during sixth period like quite a few other kids in my class. See, I'd made this "commitment" to actually try and memorize my verse each week so I wouldn't be stressing the day of the quiz, and see how I've done! I just have so much other homework that I keep putting it off until the last moment. Not good.

Let's see, now. What else is tomorrow? Well, I had about thirty-six math problems to do tonight, and I had ten of them done before I found out that I was in the wrong lesson. So I had to get another sheet of paper and start all over again! Oh well...That's the way it goes sometimes.

One thing is sure: I will sleep well tonight!!

I'd like to just share one more thing before I leave for the night.

One of my youth leaders was telling us about her high school ministry experiences on Wednesday night. It went something like this:

She hang out with mostly guys during high school. In her history class one year, she sat next to four boys, who she was friends with. God had put it on her heart to share the gospel with these four, so she did. One said that he'd heard it before, but he wasn't ready to accept God yet. His attitude was, "I have plenty of time. God can wait until I'm older. I want to enjoy my life now while I'm young."

Another was already a Christian, but he hadn't been living it so no one knew. After high school, he married one of his class mates and became a missionary.

Another became a Christian later, and he had the opportunity to share his good news with my youth leader years later when they met coincidentally on her road. He was working as a contractor, building a house nearby, and he had the pleasure of telling her that because she shared God's love with him (and she was the first to do so) he had become a Christian.

The fourth...I don't think that she ever found out what happened to him. But can you guess what happened to the first guy?

This same guy that said, "I have time," was killed in a head on collision two weeks after he graduated high school. Guess he didn't have as much time as he thought.

So which one are you? Are you the one sharing God's love? Are you the Christian hiding your faith? Or are you headed somewhere that you don't want to go and misjudging the time that it will take to get there?

You aren't guaranteed tomorrow.

Good night all! Hopefully, I'll be hitting the hay before too long.

- Jane

Hmmm...Let's see...

2008-09-17T16:42:00.003-04:00

What shall I ramble about today? See, that's my problem. For once, I have nothing to talk about.

Unusual? Sometimes, I suppose, considering that I am usually only in here when I DO have something significant - or maybe not - to say.

So what should I say now? Should I continue rambling about how I have nothing to ramble about? Hum. But, of course, you're probably all bored with that subject by now.

Therefore, I shall satisfy myself by filling the rest of this post with complete gibberish.

WHAHA!rickitickiwicki - PEDIA?No.No?Nah.How'sthatthen?Youtellme.I'dliketo.Thenwhynot?

Because THEY are watching...>_>
<_<
>_>

Sooo...yah. I'm in a weird mood right now. I need to just chill and re-focus on this thing that's staring me in the face.

GAHH!!! Not enough time and not enough self-discipline. That'd be me.

Isn't it bizarre?

2008-09-12T21:14:00.002-04:00

How when it rains really steadily all day, it seems like it will never stop? I mean, it just keeps coming and coming and coming with no end in sight. And who trusts the weatherman anymore?

Streets start to flood - especially the back roads that are always crowded with horses and buggies. Puddles form; creeks overflow.

The sky is saturated and dove-gray.

It keeps raining through the night. There isn't even a low rumble of thunder or a small flash of lightning to wake you from your peaceful slumber. There's only the steady patter of rain to lull you gently off to sleep.

Rain like this is different than a storm. Storms are brief, intermediate. But this kind of rain...it seems impossibly endless.

Then you wake up the next morning, half-expecting to see that it still hasn't stopped...But it has. The first rays of sunlight are shining down through the sodden trees, and the driveway is still wet. As the day drags on, the pavement starts to steam. The sun rises higher in the sky. Where was the sun yesterday? you wonder. Where was the sun when there were things to be done outside?

Well, of course the sun was still there. It's always there, even when it's not shining.

I believe in the sun even when it's not shining
I believe in love even when I don't feel it
And I believe in God even when He is silent
And I, I believe.

From I Believe In Love by Barlow Girl

Peace at 8:03

2008-09-06T17:16:00.004-04:00

Psalm 37

1 Do not fret because of evil men
or be envious of those who do wrong;

2 for like the grass they will soon wither,
like green plants they will soon die away.

3 Trust in the LORD and do good;
dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture.

4 Delight yourself in the LORD
and he will give you the desires of your heart.

5 Commit your way to the LORD;
trust in him and he will do this:

6 He will make your righteousness shine like the dawn,
the justice of your cause like the noonday sun.

7 Be still before the LORD and wait patiently for him;
do not fret when men succeed in their ways,
when they carry out their wicked schemes.

8 Refrain from anger and turn from wrath;
do not fret—it leads only to evil.

9 For evil men will be cut off,
but those who hope in the LORD will inherit the land.

10 A little while, and the wicked will be no more;
though you look for them, they will not be found.

11 But the meek will inherit the land
and enjoy great peace.

12 The wicked plot against the righteous
and gnash their teeth at them;

13 but the Lord laughs at the wicked,
for he knows their day is coming.

14 The wicked draw the sword
and bend the bow
to bring down the poor and needy,
to slay those whose ways are upright.

15 But their swords will pierce their own hearts,
and their bows will be broken.

16 Better the little that the righteous have
than the wealth of many wicked;

17 for the power of the wicked will be broken,
but the LORD upholds the righteous.

18 The days of the blameless are known to the LORD,
and their inheritance will endure forever.

19 In times of disaster they will not wither;
in days of famine they will enjoy plenty.

20 But the wicked will perish:
The LORD's enemies will be like the beauty of the fields,
they will vanish—vanish like smoke.

21 The wicked borrow and do not repay,
but the righteous give generously;

22 those the LORD blesses will inherit the land,
but those he curses will be cut off.

23 If the LORD delights in a man's way,
he makes his steps firm;

24 though he stumble, he will not fall,
for the LORD upholds him with his hand.

25 I was young and now I am old,
yet I have never seen the righteous forsaken
or their children begging bread.

26 They are always generous and lend freely;
their children will be blessed.

27 Turn from evil and do good;
then you will dwell in the land forever.

28 For the LORD loves the just
and will not forsake his faithful ones.
They will be protected forever,
but the offspring of the wicked will be cut off;

29 the righteous will inherit the land
and dwell in it forever.

30 The mouth of the righteous man utters wisdom,
and his tongue speaks what is just.

31 The law of his God is in his heart;
his feet do not slip.

32 The wicked lie in wait for the righteous,
seeking their very lives;

33 but the LORD will not leave them in their power
or let them be condemned when brought to trial.

34 Wait for the LORD
and keep his way.
He will exalt you to inherit the land;
when the wicked are cut off, you will see it.

35 I have seen a wicked and ruthless man
flourishing like a green tree in its native soil,

36 but he soon passed away and was no more;
though I looked for him, he could not be found.

37 Consider the blameless, observe the upright;
there is a future for the man of peace.

38 But all sinners will be destroyed;
the future of the wicked will be cut off.

39 The salvation of the righteous comes from the LORD;
he is their stronghold in time of trouble.

40 The LORD helps them and delivers them;
he delivers them from the wicked and saves them,
because they take refuge in him.

King David wrote this when, as stated in verse 25, he was old. He'd seen all of this happen. He knew what the end of the wicked person was and what the legacy of the righteous person was. Maybe this chapter doesn't mean a whole lot to you, but as I read it this morning, it struck me: this is a certainty. Here's a man who's killed a lion, a giant, and has run for his life from someone who's kingdom he saved. He's been placed on a throne, commited adultery, murder, had his son die, and had ceaseless turmult in his house since then, what with relatives constantly fighting for his throne and their own power.

And then he looks back on his whole life; he looks back at the people he's known, and he says (paraphrasing, here) with certainty, "Those who serve God and wait for Him live on and are blessed, and those that don't, even if it looks like their lives are going great...Well, turns out they see ultimate distruction by the hand of God."

Again, I don't really know what I'm getting at here. But it makes sense to me. You only live once; make your life count.

Long time...

2008-09-05T19:18:00.002-04:00

...Or has it been? Seems like now that I've fallen back into the routine of school, days go by without number. Wow. How cliche. Since when did I get cliche? I've always been about being original, because that's just who I am.

Not that I'm not interested in other things that other people are interested in...But I pick and choose.

*vigorously shakes her head* ANYWAYS, that's not what I was getting at. So where was I? I believe that I was going to say...

My life seems kind of dull now. Not constantly, but have you ever...

Have you ever just had this INSANE craving for adventure? The kind that you can only read about in books? Life itself should be an adventure; I realize that.

But here I am, still wishing for my Narnia, my Terebithia, my Neverland.
And here I am, with my feet still bolted to the ground. No wardrobe, no magic swing over a creek, no pixie dust for me to fly away on.

I'm stuck. I'm waiting.

But HOW LONG, oh Lord? How long must I wait for my adventures to begin?!

Craziness

2008-08-26T17:40:00.002-04:00

So I managed to survive the first two days of school, what with the arriving late thanks to my bus, the crazy schedule changes, the half-a-dozen-or-so new teachers, and the load of homework that I find myself with on only the second day.

For the whole school year, I am going to try and do my devotions in the morning, for at least ten minutes - more if I can help it. I'm realizing how vital it is to start my days off right. When I'm in the Word, I find that I've got the strength and the right attitude to get through the day. And if I don't...my day is just a mess.

If I seek God first, He'll go before me throughout my day and guide me by the hand. I'd rather that than trying to stumble around on my own.

Anyways...not much else going on here. Comment so I can have someone to talk to! =]

- Jane

School Tomorrow!!!

2008-08-24T14:02:00.004-04:00

I really don't know what to think about school starting again in less than nineteen hours. I guess it's because I've tried so hard not to think about it. There's going to be quite a bit of new stuff going on this year.

For starters, I'm trying out for the school play tomorrow. We're putting on The Aventures of Tom Sawyer, and I'm trying out for the part of the Widow Douglas. Wish me luck! It's my first serious audition. Even if I don't get the part, though, I'd still like to be involved in some sort of way - like with the back stage crew.

Secondly, I'm the class secretary this year. Fun! >_> I guess we'll just see how that goes. I have my little black planner with special dates and times for this year all ready, and I'm determined to get my class organized even if it kills me.

Thirdly, I have no idea who half of my teachers are going to be. We're getting at least five new teachers this year.

In the end, I just have to leave all of this up to God. None of these things are worth worrying over, so I'm just trying not to even think about it. I'll do my best with whatever is thrown at me this year. I'm looking forward to what God has to teach me, whether the lessons be painful or pleasant.

Another thing, though, that I AM thinking about right now...I HAVE TO GET UP AT 5:20 AM TOMORROW MORNING!!!!! I'll catch the bus, bleary-eyed, tomorrow at 6:40 am. More joy...

Beast Update

2008-08-21T16:58:00.002-04:00

I've added more chapters to Beast! You can now read up through Chapter 16. Also take time while you're there to vote on the poll and comment. Your opinions are valued!

School starts Monday...So I'll be working like crazy to get as many chapters up before than that I can. Thanks for reading!

- Jane

PS - What am I reading right now? The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes. :]

My time as an SIT

2008-08-09T14:53:00.004-04:00

Thanks for the camp stories! I especially liked the one about the prank. :]

This last week of camp was amazing. As staff in training, I got to follow around some of the day camp counselors and hang out with the little people all day on Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Friday. I was with the Nature Instructor on Thursday, and I even got to teach a lesson on emus! lol. She has a great job. Even though she had to teach the same lesson seven times, she always made it interesting for the kids. The other counselors and staff are encouraging and friendly. It's impossible not to feel comfortable around them. I jsut had a blast. Words can't even discribe how much I will miss everyone!

I want to go back next year as a day camp counselor. Seeing the smiles on the kids faces just warms my heart. I'm finding out more and more why Jesus put such a special emphasis on children.

Matthew 19:13-14
Then little children were brought to Jesus for him to place his hands on them and pray for them. But the disciples rebuked those who brought them. Jesus said, "Let the little children come to me, and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these."

I hope that, at some point in your lives, you get to impact a child's life in a positive way. You could help provide aid for a kid in another country, or you could interact with them first-hand here in the United States. Either way, it's an invaluable ministry. The kids are the future. What are you leaving behind for them is what they'll build on themselves someday.

Wacked-Out Internet...

2008-08-03T21:34:00.002-04:00

...So it appears that my wacked-out internet has once again gotten in the way of my plans...I was unable to get on blogger or my e-mail for a few days...Oddly enough, I found that I could still get on some other sites. This'll be a shorty because I have to get up early tomorrow. I have Staff In Training at camp this week! I'm excited, but the end of the week will also be really sad. This is the last week of camp for the summer, so I won't see these people for another year! =[ Some of them I might not see again, and so we'll have to keep in touch over the internet.

Hey, enough of my rambling! I'd like to hear some of your camp stories. If they're too long to write up in a comment, write a post and send me the link! Love to hear from y'all. ;]

- Jane

Weird dream...

2008-07-30T09:44:00.002-04:00

Ok, so after reading Reluctant Dreamer's latest blog, I decided to share the most significant dream of mine that I can remember.

It started out in my school, except...The building was different, even though the people were the same. Skipping past all of the already weird, normal dream stuff (ie - things not being what they should be and people saying things that they probably shouldn't)...

My guy best friend had moved far away shortly after sixth grade. He was the nice popular guy that everyone liked. It was hard losing him, even though we still kept in touch.

In my dream, which occurred just a week before the beginning of eight grade, all of the other guys in my class were trying to convince me that he had come back. This was a cruel joke on me, considering that I had had a bit of a crush on this guy, too.

I kept arguing with them, "No! That can't be him." Why? Because this new guy had brown eyes, and the original had blue. Other than that, they actually looked similar in build and hair color.

I wake up...One week later, on the first day of eight grade, the look-alike from my dream walks in, the new kid in the class. I even had to do a double take, because at first I thought I was seeing things. I had NEVER seen this guy before outside of school, except in my dream. Immediately, I thought, This guy is trouble. Avoid him at all costs!

Well, don't tell me that I was being judgemental before I even got to know him. Because for the next two years until he left the school, he proved himself to be very rude, disrespectful, and conceited. He was also pretty popular, like my other friend. We never got along. At least, I can't remember a time that we did.

Now, listen. I don't want you to think ill of this person when he isn't here to defend himself. As much as I dislike him, I'll speak in his defense:

I don't think that deep down he was really a jerk. I think that a lot of it was the influence he received from some other people in our class. On occasion, he would even tell me that he respected me and how I was so smart and blah blah blah...I think most of the time he even meant it, but it's hard to believe that a person is being sincere when their actions don't always show it.

No one is perfect, but they still have a choice. This guy chose, like so many capable others, to settle for less than what they were created to be. He chose not to step up and be the godly leader that he could have been. He chose to be seen as a trouble-maker because that was the image that he thought he wanted.

So...Once again, share time has evolved into something more important. For any men, young or old, out there reading this: Don't settle for less! Don't think that acting cool, macho, arrogant and conceited, drinking, doing drugs, driving fancy cars, etc...will make you a better man. Don't settle for less than what you were created for! Men were made to be strong leaders, honest and humble. Humility is NOT a sign of weakness! I know it's hard, with the media painting such a twisted image of what you think you should be and how all of the sitcoms on TV paint the men as such idiots. That isn't what you're supposed to be!

If you're having trouble finding out what you were meant for, try reading the Bible, or find a godly man to look up to as an example. But please, please, don't waste your life on something meaningless.

I feel like...

2008-07-29T11:05:00.002-04:00

...I haven't been here in forever. Guess today that I should try to get some more chapters of Beast up...And everyone said, "YEA!!"

Or not. That's ok. You don't have to...

Well, I think that today I'll just be working on For A Reason and reading Crown Duel by Sherwood Smith(that is such a cool name! :D).

Actually, it will be my second time reading it. I love that book!

Anyways, God Bless you all! If I haven't heard from ya in awhile, please leave a comment. I'd love to chat!

- Jane

The Sentinel

2008-07-17T18:27:00.006-04:00

The sentinel stands his
post errect in the mire,
the blue barrel
of his gun pointed upward.
A uniform of
red, white, and blue catches the evening sun.
The red flag is
held high in salute.

The flag is lowered.
News has come from the front lines.
All are safe and well.
How are you? Please respond -

- quickly running up the drive, letter in hand.
I will write them soon.

[Near] Future Plans

2008-07-15T16:29:00.002-04:00

Wednesday night: Bible study at my shack.

Friday morning through Sunday night: CAMPING AND BOATING WEEKEND!!! :D A great time for the teens at my church to connect and grow. Of course...There's also the tenting, boating, tubing, water skiing, wake boarding, and prank-playing. *evil chuckle*

Ok, so it's a youth group function...Doesn't mean we can't pull a prank or two...Last year, we forked the guys' tents. This year...Well...I'll tell you afterwards and let you know if it all went according to plan or if it went horribly wrong.

Sunday night: Do laundry and re-pack for camp in the morning. Ah, my last week as a resident camper! There's gonna be a lot of crying, I can tell everyone that right now. However, I'm hoping to go back there next summer and get a job. I'm taking two weeks of Staff In Training this summer already.

I guess that brings us to...

Monday morning through Friday evening: CAMP!!! Nuff said...

So...Needless to say I'll be busy...But I'm also planning on having a lot of fun.

Toodles!

- Jane

Foreknowledge or predestination? Or both?

2008-07-10T12:49:00.002-04:00

Where does foreknowledge end and predestination begin? Or does predestination end and foreknowledge begin...?

God is omniscient, or all-knowing, so He knows who will become a Christian and who will not. But He's also chosen who will get saved and who won't. At the same time, He wants everyone to get saved and not to perish.

2 Peter 3:9
The Lord is not slow in keeping his promise, as some understand slowness. He is patient with you, not wanting anyone to perish, but everyone to come to repentance.

My Bible teacher put it this way:

(SPEAKING TO THE CLASS)Let's say that I give every one of you a choice. You can either jump out of the window and go to Hell, or you can walk through the door and go to Heaven. Now, each of you, by your own choice, decides to jump out of the window. But just in time I grab a few of you and take you out of the room through the door.

Does this make sense to anyone else? I really like how he put it, and I think that it's more clear now when I think about it that way. We are all given a choice...but at the same time we think that we know what's best for us, and we choose the window. But then God, in His grace, intervenes and saves us. Why doesn't He save everyone, though? Good question.

Romans 9:14-26
What then shall we say? Is God unjust? Not at all! For he says to Moses, "I will have mercy on whom I have mercy, and I will have compassion on whom I have compassion." It does not, therefore, depend on man's desire or effort, but on God's mercy. For the Scripture says to Pharaoh: "I raised you up for this very purpose, that I might display my power in you and that my name might be proclaimed in all the earth." Therefore God has mercy on whom he wants to have mercy, and he hardens whom he wants to harden.

One of you will say to me: "Then why does God still blame us? For who resists his will?" But who are you, O man, to talk back to God? "Shall what is formed say to him who formed it, 'Why did you make me like this?' " Does not the potter have the right to make out of the same lump of clay some pottery for noble purposes and some for common use?

What if God, choosing to show his wrath and make his power known, bore with great patience the objects of his wrath—prepared for destruction? What if he did this to make the riches of his glory known to the objects of his mercy, whom he prepared in advance for glory— even us, whom he also called, not only from the Jews but also from the Gentiles? As he says in Hosea:
"I will call them 'my people' who are not my people;
and I will call her 'my loved one' who is not my loved one," and,
"It will happen that in the very place where it was said to them,
'You are not my people,'
they will be called 'sons of the living God.' "

And I guess...I can't really explain it any better than Paul did. This is where head knowledge ends and faith begins. God knows what He's doing. I have to believe it. Why else would I be where I am, doing what I am today?

Anyone else have any thoughts? Love to hear 'em.
Please comment!

2008-07-07T11:15:00.002-04:00

Some of the greatest ideas ever have come about by asking, "What if?"

Unfortunately, the question is also responsible for causing unnecessary worry in worst-case-scenario people like myself. Most people have no idea how many wort-case scenarios go through my mind during the day, because I'm usually an upbeat person. I'm not two-faced; I don't try to pretend to be all happy when I'm worried or concerned about something...I just believe that I'm more self-sufficient than I actually am. I don't like to throw my problems on other people, so I just keep it all bottled up inside.

My attitude is usually "I can handle it" and "I don't need anyone else." But I couldn't be farther from the truth! All of this needless stress is starting to wear me down. I'm working harder at handing my burdens over to God. He can handle it when I can't. I'm also working on being less of a worst-case-scenario person. Asking God to help me nip those thoughts in the bud when they start sprouting has begun to help, I'm noticing.

I hope, in the future, to really be able to experience the complete joy and peace that is promised to every child of God. While Satan comes to tear my life apart, Jesus comes to put it back together again and to make it fuller and better than it's ever been.

John 10:10
The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy; I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.

Atlantia

2008-07-03T21:16:00.002-04:00

A new story is in the making!!!

This story is really sort of an experiment, told in first person from the view point of two different characters. Should be interesting. ;]

I'm not going to take this one as seriously, though. It's more just for my enjoyment, and hopefully yours, too. I'll still be posting more chapters of Beast as I get them revised, because they've already been written.

I'll be at the beach tomorrow, but keep checking back for more!

Happy 4th of July, everyone! GOD BLESS AMERICA!! Take time tomorrow to pray for the leaders of our country and for the upcoming elections. Yeah, pray for President Bush, too, even if you don't like him. God places our leaders in the government, whether we like them or not.

Till next time,

Jane

Searching

2008-07-01T14:27:00.003-04:00

I see so many people searching for hope, searching for something more. I wish that they would hand their lives over to Jesus...People, listen. You can't live life on your own. There's someone who loves you so much that he would die for you, and if you just reach out, he's there waiting for you...I just wish that you could all understand...

My heart goes out to ya.

Online?

2008-06-30T13:56:00.001-04:00

Why can't blogger have a thing like IM or Myface that let's you know when other people are on???

Gosh...

Anyone else agree with me?

Bingo!

2008-06-27T16:17:00.002-04:00

Was his name-o.

Just kidding, everyone. Please don't send me off to the happy hut. LOL.

Well, I'm still here at my grandparents' till Sunday. Then I'll be headed home.

I fell like I should appologize for my terrible timing with the site for Beast. I just wanted to get the first part up there before I left, but I forgot how long a week can be online. Now I feel like I'm in danger of loosing my readers if I have to wait too long to put the next chapter up...I promise, I'll have the next one up a few days from now, and I'll try to get a bunch up after that to keep everyone satisfied for awhile. :]

Here's my little nugget for the day:

Money CAN buy power, friends, fame, and happiness, but it CAN'T buy peace.

TTFN!

This...

2008-06-20T22:46:00.003-04:00

...is probably the last time that you'll here from me for a week. Tomorrow morning, I have to help my dad cut the grass and finish packing; I'm riding the train(first time!!!) to my grandparents' house where I'll get to hang with them and be spoiled for a week. ^_^

In the words of Arnie, "AHLL BEE BACK!"

My Testimony

2008-06-20T12:40:00.002-04:00

In light of some of the interesting conversations that I've gotten myself into on Blogger, I've decided to share my testimony with everyone. When a Christian talks about their testimony, it's really just like saying "their story". And this is mine.

I grew up in a Christian home. I started going to church before I could walk. My parents, my grandparents, even my babysitters and most of my neighbors were Christians. So, as a young child, I was exposed to it all. BUT I've seen enough to know that what I saw in my family and in my church was the real deal.
Not only did I hear the message of salvation preached, I saw it lived out in the people around me. These people had true, Jesus-like attitudes, and, even though no one is perfect, these people were consistent, too.

Now, some people would argue that "because I grew up in a Christian home, of course I would be inclined to believe all of that." Maybe...But I consider myself to have a pretty open mind. I'm willing to listen to other people's beliefs and I find them interesting, but I definitely think that they're believing a lie. (No offense to some of my new-found friends out there.) Trust me, I've checked out the Bible for myself; I didn't just blindly accept what I was taught at an early age. The more that I ask questions, the more that I test the Bible, the more I see that God's Word really is true!

So then, I accepted Jesus Christ as my Savior when I was about nine or ten. Since then, I've seen a change in my life. God is slowly making me more like His Son; it's a work in progress. I still have my faults because I'm human like everyone else. I can be judgemental. Sometimes I speak(or in this case, type) without thinking first. Yes, I can be rude and spiteful and thoughtless, especially to those that I'm close to.

At the same time, it's a really exciting journey that I'm on. Waiting and preparing myself for what God has planned for my life. He's turning me into what He wants me to be. It isn't always fun, but in the end, I know that it will be worth it.

If you have any questions about my faith or anything that I've written, please ask. :]
Thanks for taking the time to read.

So I've got this old ratty, holey pair of jeans...

2008-06-20T11:44:00.001-04:00

...that I just can't seem to bring myself to give up.

Why do we become so endeared to things that are old and falling apart? Why do we so often cling to the old and reject the new?

I think that's part of the reason that I forget so often that there's more to this life...I'm going to heaven after I die, but it's so hard for me to see past the here and now.

I look back on the past so I don't make the same mistakes today.
I try to live everyday in a way that's pleasing to God.
I look towards the future with uncertainty and anticipation.

But, I'm looking towards the near future in comparison with eternity.

What am I doing now that will last? What am I doing now to store up treasures in heaven and not on earth?

This blog won't last, but maybe the things that I say here will shed some light in other people's lives.

I just have to remember not to get so comfortable in my old jeans that I forget that they won't last forever.